If I could give this picture the title, it would be "The Desires of My Heart." That's exactly what this snapshot captures for my heart. For so many childless years, I longed for those girls like I already knew them, and missed them in my life.
This picture is one of my treasured possessions. I have it framed, and hanging in our hallway, just outside my bedroom. Often, I will pause in front of it, and just smile. This was snapped in that first moment big sister Rebecca got to hold her brand new baby sister Sara Beth. The look on Rebecca's face to me speaks of first love, and wonder. She, her daddy, and I had prayed for such a long time for this moment to happen. And, how grateful I am to have it, this blessed moment, caught forever in a snapshot.
That is her cousin studying Sara Beth's miniature hand. For 3 years her cousin filled the role of sibling and sister for Rebecca. We had begun to wonder if those small snatches of time with her cousin were the only feelings of a sibling connection Rebecca would ever feel. Don't get me wrong--we are deeply grateful for the cousins our girls have. They love their cousins like they are siblings. (Oh yes, and bicker, too!) But, the problem is that none of the cousins live in our town. They only all get together on holidays and short weekends, and maybe a week in the summer.
But, on this day captured above, Rebecca and Sara Beth became one of the best words a heart can speak--Sisters.
Sometimes, I can't even believe that I have been given these two precious gifts, these sisters who are so different, and yet so alike. That they have been entrusted to me (of course, and my dear husband!) to love and to raise--sometimes it feels incomprehensible. That's not to say that we don't have tough days. Days when I question my sanity, and when all I can think about is how I want to run away for just one day, one hour, so that I can breathe easy again. There are angry times, when the tone of my voice is so ugly, that I don't even recognize myself. There are anxious times when I cry, and I pray, and I feel helpless against the ugly world outside our home.
Oh, but there are also peaceful times when one of them slips her hand in mine for no reason but to hold. Or carefree times, when we are all laughing uncontrollably, at a joke only our family knows and understands. Or, contented times in the first light of morning, when I lie down beside them, and their little warm bodies instinctively scoot next to mine, tugging at my resolve to wake them up.
Daily, I wash and correct and soothe and hug and giggle through the good, the bad, and the ugly, so that one day these desires of my heart are able to fly away on their own. That I am raising them only to fly away seems unfair to me. But, deep inside my Mama heart, I am not afraid of their flight. For I know with a sure smile of delight, that they have that secret word tucked in their own hearts that will forever give them courage, and keep them from being alone. They have each other: Sisters.
Linked up with:
A Happy Woman at We are THAT Family