(I would like for the whole world to note that in 1987, I could tie a bandana around my waist. Yes, I sure could. Thank you for noticing. And thank you for not looking for a bandana around my waist anytime in the near future. The end.)
In honor of all the Easter gussying up everyone did, I thought it would be appropriate for me to step out and confess to the world how--even though I would love to be stylish and hip--I am a fashion drop-out. Because guess what? Would you like to know what joyful and beautiful colors I wore for Easter Sunday? I wore charcoal trouser pants and a slate grey blouse. Now, isn't that cheery? I felt like I had a good reason for my drab outfit...I just didn't have it in me to wear my white linen skirt in the pouring down rain. I figured white linen skirt + rain = embarrassing moment waiting to happen.
Plus...maybe I didn't feel like ironing it. Maybe.
So, while I'm on a roll confessing my fashion loser status, I might as well get it all over with, and come clean. Here are the TOP TEN ways I just might be a fashion loser:
(Oh, save your confessions for the end...it's my turn first!)
10. I can't for the life of me blow-dry my hair with a big round brush. Okay, I exaggerate a little. I just can't BEAR to take the time to section my hair 900 times and blow-dry 1 centimeter of hair at a time. I just can't do it. I can't and please don't make me I just might go crazy if I had to do it that way. I'd rather have frizzy, ugly hair. There, I said it. I feel better.
9. Plus, I'm over 40 and *said in a whisper* still wear ponytails. I know. I'm a hair loser. But, my stylist Charity still loves me. And accepts me for all my hair issues. Plus, it keeps her in business. And she can blow-dry like a professional. Because, well, she is one.
8. Because I blow-dry my hair like it is still 1987, I use a curling iron. Yes, they still make those things with the round barrels. But, I have to order it from a catalog called Finger Hut.
7. When getting dressed and I notice a stain on my shirt, most times I will still wear the shirt...and hope people think I *just* got the stain.
6. I think that what #7 also means, is that I often wear dirty clothes.
5. When getting dressed for the day, I frequently use the word "eh" when peering in the mirror.
4. I like to select my daily outfit by the level of comfort it brings to me. Shoot, isn't that the motto for SAS Shoes? I'm doomed... (I wonder what rubber-sole sensible shoe SAS would suggest pairing with grey sweats?)
3. In warm weather, I wear Chaco sandals daily. Which, come to think of it, is the hipster's version of SAS Shoes.
2. The fact that I just called myself "a hipster." Curvy hips, maybe. Hipster? Survey says: BONK.
1. I buy my make-up in stores that also sell toilet paper and automobile tires.
Oh, but, good news, people! Evidently, I am not alone in my fashion status. My sister just told me that she thinks I dress CUTE. So, at least my sister and I can grow old together...in our grey sweats and stained shirts. Plus, we will provide wonderful moral support for each other when selecting our first SAS shoes.