1. Above all else, remain calm.
2. If you happen to be starving to death--even after smelling the horrible, gag-inducing, poop-smelling pantry, then you must really be starving to death, and should go ahead and eat. A girl needs her protein in order to face the death-inducing smell.
3. Too bad you have to look in the poop-smelling pantry to find something to eat.
4. Better yet--find something in the fridge.
5. Aw man, ya need to throw something away in the pantry. Just throw it out in the yard and hope for the whole circle of life thing to happen.
6. All done eating in the opposite end of the house...now it's time to get back to the Pantry Patrol. Gotta find out where that nasty poop smell is coming from. Sniff, sniff, sniff, sniffffff aaaahhhhggggghhh. THERE IT IS. I'm gonna die. I'm gonna die. I'm gonna die. It's the Bob Evans pre-made macaroni and cheese, and it has leaked all over the shelf.
7. Lean over the trash can and heave 12 times.
8. Throw the NASTY horrible, gag-inducing, poop-smelling leaky mac 'n cheese away. Pull everything out of the pantry, and wipe down the shelves.
9. Oh, I give up. I can't stand it anymore. Wake up the kids, bundle them up and load up in the car. We are staying in a MOTEL tonight.
10. As soon as everyone wakes up, call a realtor.
Goodbye forever, poopy pantry...
I'm really not as ditzy or slovenly as these silly pictures are making me appear... I mean, I clean out that pantry AT LEAST once every couple of years...or decades. But, it doesn't matter anyway now. I have NAILED the pantry door closed now. We'll just line up our can goods across the counter tops from now on.
And, that concludes our study on: What to do when your pantry smells like poop. Please tune in next time to learn: What to do when you need the broom inside the nailed up pantry.
Can anybody...anybody out there empathize (identify??) with me?
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