Everybody's always talking about all the things on their bucket lists. And these things are always super inspirational or, you know, super impressive. Or something super.
People never say normal things they want to do...Like, "Someday, I want to empty the clothes basket at the foot of my bed, and find my clean underwear."
Or, "Before I die, I want my kids to quit fighting over silly little stuff that does not matter, and drives me crazy." Oh wait. I do say that already. Like every single day. Well...I mean...I would say that...if my darling daughters weren't absolutely perfect. But, I'm sure somebody must say that about their kids.
What I'm trying to say here is: Let's stop trying to be super and impressive. Let's be real about life. Let's start talking about all the stuff we DON'T want to do. Let's talk about the UNsuper stuff. Let's talk about how awful dog poop is, and how it really stinks to get a bladder infection. And how when you mash your finger in the door, you kick the door really hard and then your toe hurts, too.
Yeah, that's more like it. Please join me in making an UN-Bucket List: All the things I hope I NEVER do. Or, if you want to be fancy (I mean, super) like me--you can call it your "Kick the Bucket List."
(*clearing her throat*)
(*clearing her throat again. Didn't quite get it the first time*)
(*taking a quick sip of water*)
MarytheKay's Kick the Bucket List:
1. Sing a solo. Or, really, if I'm honest and don't care that I am about to sound like a real dud...I don't even want to sing karaoke--even in a group of people with cool dance moves, and hand motions.
2. Sky dive. Nope, no thank you. I'll leave that sport to you cool people.
3. Go backpacking across Europe, and stay in hostels. My idea of fun in Europe is staying in 5-star hotels. Having to sleep on my backpack so that it doesn't get stolen does NOT sound fun to me at all. I'd rather the doorman deliver my backpack to my suite, thank you very much. (Must begin saving green stamps soon.)
4. Be a contestant on Survivor...or any reality shows, for that matter. I don't like heights, I don't like eating bugs, I don't like wearing my skivvies on national television, I don't like drama, and I don't like other peoples' body odors.
5. Lose all my teeth. I kind of have a fear of falling forward on concrete, and my front teeth breaking--leaving lots of jaggedy edges. Ooohhh, that just gives me the shivers. Hurry--let's change the subject.
6. Become a bodybuilder. I'm sorry. I just don't get the fascination with overgrown, gigantic muscles, that frankly, look a little strange to me. Plus, all that baby oil just gives me the heebie jeebies. I hope none of those poor people ever fall down on the stage--cause they'd just skid right across that floor and off the stage.
7. Become a diabetic. Oh, dear Lord, I pray I don't become diabetic. I really, really, really love sugar. That's a really bad sign...isn't it??? I'd almost rather become a vegetarian. No, I wouldn't...Maybe I would...No, I wouldn't...Maybe I...Wait. What?
8. Explore Antarctica. Nah, I think I'll pass. I'd rather just watch a movie about it. As long as it's less than 12 minutes.
9. Re-take Trigonometry, and make an "A" this time. I just broke out into a cold sweat, and I'm about to hyperventilate. This would be a living nightmare. A mathmare.
10. Bungee jump off...anything.
Whew! I am glad to have all of that off my chest. I bet I just sound like a THRILLING person now, don't I???
Okay, okay. I must write a real bucket list soon--so you people don't think I'm a total dud. I really do like some semi-super and exciting things...as long as the exciting things don't include heights, math, vegetarianism, or jaggedy teeth.
What's on your NON-Bucket List?
Oh, and just so you know...this brilliant non-bucket list idea was the brilliant Mama Kat's, as part of her Weekly Writing Workshop. Please go check out the other brilliant bloggers' non-bucket lists. They ought to be fun!
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