MarytheKaytheBlog

Am I passionate about my job?

This magazine came in the mail the other day.  As soon as I saw the headline, I stopped dead in my tracks:

Am I passionate about my work?

You mean--my work here at home?

My job as a (dare I say it???) housewife, mom, and homeschool teacher?

"Well, of course I'm passionate about my job!"  I say

I nodded my head, and walked around my house, I mean my workplace...

Why, JUST LOOK at all of my job perks!

(Also, don't forget how FANCY my workplace is...)

So, yes.

Yes, I am *passionate* about my job.

Although..."passionate" may not be the most accurate choice of words...

What do you think?

Are you *passionate* about your job?

Linked up with:

Household Hazards: What to do when your pantry smells like poop

1.  Above all else, remain calm.

2.  If you happen to be starving to death--even after smelling the horrible, gag-inducing, poop-smelling pantry, then you must really be starving to death, and should go ahead and eat.  A girl needs her protein in order to face the death-inducing smell.

3.  Too bad you have to look in the poop-smelling pantry to find something to eat.

4.  Better yet--find something in the fridge.

5.  Aw man, ya need to throw something away in the pantry.  Just throw it out in the yard and hope for the whole circle of life thing to happen.

6.  All done eating in the opposite end of the house...now it's time to get back to the Pantry Patrol.  Gotta find out where that nasty poop smell is coming from.  Sniff, sniff, sniff, sniffffff aaaahhhhggggghhh.  THERE IT IS.  I'm gonna die.  I'm gonna die.  I'm gonna die.  It's the Bob Evans pre-made macaroni and cheese, and it has leaked all over the shelf.

7.  Lean over the trash can and heave 12 times.

8.  Throw the NASTY horrible, gag-inducing, poop-smelling leaky mac 'n cheese away.  Pull everything out of the pantry, and wipe down the shelves.

9.  Oh, I give up. I can't stand it anymore. Wake up the kids, bundle them up and load up in the car.  We are staying in a MOTEL tonight.

10.  As soon as everyone wakes up, call a realtor.

Goodbye forever, poopy pantry...

I'm really not as ditzy or slovenly as these silly pictures are making me appear...  I mean, I clean out that pantry AT LEAST once every couple of years...or decades.  But, it doesn't matter anyway now.  I have NAILED the pantry door closed now.  We'll just line up our can goods across the counter tops from now on.

And, that concludes our study on: What to do when your pantry smells like poop.  Please tune in next time to learn:  What to do when you need the broom inside the nailed up pantry.

Can anybody...anybody out there empathize (identify??) with me?

Linked up with:

Household Hazards of Wearing a Scarf: Take Two

In honor of the glorious fall--scarf-wearing weather!!--I thought I would re-post this VERY IMPORTANT WARNING regarding the wearing of fashionable scarves...

This warning is for fashionable women everywhere who partake in the wearing of the oh-so-chic neck scarves.  Little do you know, Women of the Scarf (WOTS), that those very same accessories which bring you so much joy and confidence, may also bring injury...injuries so terrible that they may not be spoken on this family-friendly network.

In lieu of those terrible scarf injury descriptions, we have provided a pictorial reference.  Please, please print out these photos, and place them in those areas around your house you deem the most dangerous...to the scarf.

Our safety preparedness team has taken the ultimate precautions in producing these Scarf Re-enactments. WOTS, please DO NOT try this at home.  In an effort to educate the fashionable public, Scarf Professionals were used to pose these shots.  Again, DO NOT try this at home!! 

(No animals were harmed during this re-enactment)

  

BEWARE OF THE DANGEROUS SCARF AROUND THE HOUSE:

Danger danger, Will Robinson!!!  Do you see the scarf dangerously inching herself towards the searing red stove?  STEP BACK FROM THE STOVE.

"AAAAHHHHH!!!  Hot oven, hot oven!!"  That pesky scarf is not only slinking towards the red hot element, she is also dirtying herself on the greasy oven door.  Bad scarf.

Well, look who jumped out of the oven and into the frying pan...er, pan full of soapy bubbles.  Silly scarf, tricks are for kids!

 

WARNING:  The next pictures may be especially disturbing to some viewers.  Please use discretion.

The kitchen's not the only place that pesky scarf gets into trouble...  When working around toilets, be especially vigilant:  The scarf loves nothing more than skimming over the smooth porcelain to grab a quick dip in the cool water...  You certainly don't want anyone asking, "Where'd you get your clothes...from the...toilet store?"

And always, ALWAYS beware when practicing with your 1894 Winchester Lever Action around the house.  The scarf always says, "A gun is a tool MarytheKay, no better or worse than the woman who uses it."

 

We hope this Public Service Announcement was helpful to you.  Use extreme caution when wearing the scarf...or when accessorizing with anything fashionable.  Accessories are fun, until someone gets hurt.  Then, it's not fun.  It's un-fun.   

Please talk to you kids about scarves.   Talking to your kids about the dangers of the scarf isn't as hard as you think.  It just may save a life...or a really cute scarf you bought at Old Navy for like $12 with a 10% off coupon.

Thank you, and goodnight, good people.

(For more Household Hazard fun, click here!)

Same Song...Second Verse

I am feeling very tired today.  Earlier today, I was trying to figure out why I'm so tired.  And I think I figured it out:  We've been running, running all summer...then we moved home from summer camp last Saturday, and started school on Monday.  Now, here we are running, running again. 

I'm tired of running.  Is it okay if I just sit down for a moment?

I was looking at my blog posts from last year right around this time, and I think I found another reason I'm tired.  Last year's blog post could very easily be this year's...  I am dealing with the same unpacking, same messes.  Messes that make me want to become a minimalist, and start tossing things into trash bags.  (I don't think I should be held responsible for those actions...do you?)

So, in lieu of more words (whining), I thought I'd just re-post last year's thoughts...and embarassing pictures.  I have no idea why I love embarassing myself so much.  I guess I'm just keeping it real.

-------------

(re-posted from August 2010)

I am all about keeping things real here.  I know that earlier this week I wrote about the inexpensive kitchen makeover we did a couple of years ago--just by painting our cabinets.  Now, although I am VERY proud of the VERY HARD WORK we did to paint those cabinets, and how my lighter kitchen just makes my heart happy...I think I need to show you the not-too-uncommon state of affairs in said kitchen.

 But, first!  I need to make a disclaimer.  Hey--get used to it.  This blog will have lots and lots of disclaimers.  It's my blog, and I'll make excuses disclaimers if I want to! 

 We've been living in our summer camp cabin all summer.  We moved home the other day to our 1,000 degree house with the broken air conditioner in the middle of heat-advisory temperatures.  Seriously, it was hotter in our house than outside!  So, "moving home" consisted of walking in the door, and dropping each load of stuff somewhere in the house.  There was NO putting anything away.  I couldn't even think straight in that heat. 

 We just got our air conditioner fixed (*cue the Hallelujah Chorus*), and spent our first night in the house last night!

 This morning when I woke up to the glorious messes everywhere, I just knew I had to snap some pictures.

 So, here is the horrible, ugly truth about my house today...  Hopefully in the next couple of days I will be able to post some nice and tidy "After" pictures.

 Here goes...  I hope you will not disown me or un-follow me because of these pictures.  I am a work in progress--and evidently, so is my house!

 

Can you BELIEVE I was able to sleep last night with a sink full of dirty dishes?  Gasp!  For some strange reason, we decided to completely clean out the fridge last night before putting stuff away...  Ah, but the fridge is sparkly beautiful!  But, dishes in the sink--eh, they can wait until morning!

In the midst of all of the clutter, I still heart this kitchen very much.  Sigh.

Oh but wait!  The mess doesn't stop in the kitchen...it overflows into the living room!  You can see how we just dropped load after load of stuff right in the middle of the floor.  (Those are some well-fed dogs, huh?)

 Oh, but the next picture is the most embarrassing of all--to me.  Our master bedroom, our sanctuary from the outside world, our lovely made-over (nearly finished) bedroom...Well, is not so lovely...yet...

Yes, this is where the bulk of all of the moved home from summer camp stuff has landed.  In the back room of the house, where messes can be hidden from prying visitor's eyes.  And, here I go showing it for all the world to judge.  Oh well.  The only bright spots in the picture are possibly the 2 cheery Vera Bradley duffel bags.  Do you see them?  Vera can make you smile...even in the midst of a room tornado.

Do you notice the nice little trail through the room?  Reminds me of a song my sister and I used to love to sing together...

 Dum ba dee dah, Dum ba dee dah, Dum ba dee dah, Dummm

Happy Trails, to youuuu

Until we meet againnn......

 Okay, I'm done embarrassing myself.

The end.  No more.

Now go on home and mind ya own bidness!

You can't take me anywhere!

 
 Seriously, I am not fit for proper company.

Here's why:  I just googled "What to do when you accidently spit on someone else's food."

Guess what the answer is?

Well, there's not one.  Probably because no one in history has ever spit on someone's food by accident.   On purpose--sure, all the time!  Oh yeah, waiters spit on rude people's food all the time.  And you picky people--you KNOW the waiter spits on the steak you're sending back because it's not quite right.

Here's what happened when I did the accidental spitting:  The other night at our summer camp was pizza night.  Pizza night means that each table is served a large pizza in the middle of the table.  I was chatting with the guests next to me (who I didn't know well), when all-of-a-sudden a stream of spit just jumped right out of my mouth!  I think in high school, we called this form of spit a "gleek."  As in, "Dude, you just gleeked me!"

Anyway, I saw the gleeked spit arc through the air and land splat on the fat crust of the sausage pizza.  The sausage pizza that was for our whole table.  I think I even froze in my conversation for a moment as the spit landed.  Which, of course, just drew more attention to my spit.  Lovely.

So, what did I do?  Well, I just calmly reached down and put that piece of pizza onto my plate, as if it was the exact piece I wanted in the first place!

Crisis solved.

Forget Emily Post.  I'm starting my OWN etiquette website for losers like me...and my first category shall be called:

Accidental spitting

(Of course, I'd include my Household Hazards articles on The Dangers of Flip Flops as well as The Hazards of Wearing the Scarf.)

What categories would YOU need for me to include in MarytheKay's Book of Etiquette for Losers like Herself?

This is what happens when your husband is in Purchasing...

Just the other day I went to clean the guest bathroom, also known at our house as "Daddy's bathroom."  Why, yes.  Yes, we do segregate our bathrooms.  Mine, theirs, and his. 

Anyway, I pulled back the shower curtain, and THIS is what I found.

 

What is that, you ask???

Well, look closer...

There's a LABEL!

I don't even want to know HOW the dispenser is attached to the shower.  I'm pretty sure it is not with the lovely removable 3M adhesive...

Although I did do a double-take when I saw the commercial soap dispenser, I must admit...I wasn't completely shocked.  You see, my husband is in charge of Purchasing at our summer camp.  Plus, remember how as much as I'd like to be...I'm not fancy.

Makes me wonder what's next, though. 

 
Um, NO.  Pleasepleaseplease NO.

 

Not much better...

 
 

Since there are girls in our family...and Dave is always interested in commerce...

 

 Or perhaps this?

And, no.  I am NOT going any farther.  I am not going to post pictures of *those* machines.  You know the ones.  Those nasty machines at truck stops, that my precious darlings start to look at and ask, "Mommy..."  "STOP!! Stop looking at that!!!" 

"But, what is..."  "STOP.  It's not anything you need to know about.  Quick--look at the floor!!  Are you done?  Hurry, hurry.  Come on!  Let's go!  Well, pull up your pants, then!"

 

So...maybe I need to be okay with the commercial soap dispenser in the guest bathroom.  It could be a lot worse...

Can anyone relate with me? 

I have a friend in the auction business.  I bet she can relate in similar ways...  "But, honey!  It was a good deal..."

No more spiders!

Consider for a moment a world without spiders.

What a lovely world that would be.

Sadly enough, I do not live in that world.  My world is sometimes filled with icky, nasty mean spiders who insist on sharing our summer camp cabin with us.  And many of those nasty spiders out here are the meanest of all--they are the poisonous brown recluses.

Take a moment and fan yourself to regain composure.

Yes, I know.  Brown recluse spiders are horrible.  I do not know why God created them.  But, I'm sure He had a reason.  It probably had to do with biting the devil, or something logical like that.

Anyway, because I do not want those nasty brown recluse spiders to bite my precious babies, or my own precious skin, I declare WAR on them. 

I thought I would share my SPIDER WAR SECRETS with you today.

After I thoroughly spray my cabin for spiders and bugs, here is the weapon of choice I use to kill those nasty spiders (that often invade our cabin in spite of the professional spider spraying):

Household Pest Glue Boards...aka, Spider Catchers 

 Oh, I know you can read the directions to figure out how to fold the traps.  Please just humor me.  I feel so helpful snapping these pictures!

 
Oh, and by the way, you do not have to fold the glue boards into the boxes.  I have a certain family member who claims the entire surface under her bed is filled with open glue boards...just waiting to trap the spider who dares to enter.  Sort of a gauntlet for spiders.  Only, there is no princess at the end to kiss the spider who makes it through alive.

I place these glue boards, I mean spider catchers, throughout my cabin:  1-2 under each bed, under the couches, behind bookcases, behind the sink, and behind our laundry baskets.  Basically, I follow the directions on the box, and place the spider catchers everywhere I've ever spotted a spider!  I may be a little excessive about my placement of the spider catchers, but with every one I put out, Miss OCD feels a little better come bedtime!  The fewer the dreams about brown recluses, the better.  Right?

Okay, now...brace yourselves...are you ready for the BIG REVEAL?  I feel like we're doing a reality show now...

*speaking softly into the microphone*  Folks, we are now seconds away from the biggest reveal all season...the moment all spiders have been waiting for...to find out WHICH SPIDERS have been caught in the trap...OH!  And here they are.  The spiders whose fate was abruptly ended...All here, on Spider Catchers TV!!

WARNING:  Offensive picture may violate your tender sensibilities

Now, if THAT doesn't make you want to run out and buy some spider catchers, then I don't know what will!

If it makes you want to run to the toilet and vomit, or curl up in the fetal position under your covers, then I do appologize.  
 
P.S.  I feel the great need to tell you that this trap has been out for a year.  I promise this is not a month's worth of spiders in our cabin.  I do believe I would faint dead away if this was only a month's worth of spiders and bugs...

Do you have any tricks for catching spiders and other nasty creepy crawlers?

Linked up with:

Works for Me Wednesday at We are THAT Family

One Year Ago...

I asked my husband to take these funny pictures...

 

 
 

Please, oh please click here to find out why in the world I had him take these pictures!

You never know--it COULD just save your life!!

 

P.S.  I would love to do another Household Hazards Series--for the good of the public, of course--any fun ideas?  (You've seen this one, haven't you?)
 

The One Where I Show You My Bedroom

Okay, so sometimes when I post ideas or creative projects (like yesterday), I second-guess myself.  I start worrying that people will think that I think (got that?) that they think (okay, enough already!!!) that I have everything under control.  That I have a pair of craft scissors in one hand and a whisk and a recipe book in the other.  That my life is tidy, happy, and perfect.

Boy, do I have you people fooled.   *cue scary laughter*

I admit, I do like being creative.  I have these ideas all the time, popping into my head, and disturbing important events...like sweeping and vacuuming and picking up. 

So, today, I want to keep it real.  Here is the price my family pays for my creativity.  Let me warn you, it's not pretty.  You may never be able to look at me the same again.

My kids and I might be in the kitchen rolling out pierogies or cutting out tiny purple paper cupcakes for birthday invitations...

But, HERE is what my house looks like in the mean-time.

(I'm only showing you 1 room.  I can't bear to show any more.)  Oh, and I feel the overwhelming need to tell you that I took this picture in the morning.  YES, Mom, I PROMISE I make up my bed every. single. day.  Pinkie promise.

 

I know you're cringing over the disaster of a bedroom.  When we got home Sunday night, I had a tree to decorate, so I just dropped all the bags tidily along the perimeter of the room.  I hope you notice the nice little walkway.  (I'm just trying to rescue the tiniest scrap of self-respect here.)

I hope you also notice something else.  Does anybody else think the gravity-defying pants are funny?  Do you see them?

Here, I'll zoom in:

 
NOOO!  They're not MY pants.  They belong to a certain daughter.  But, they do make me GIGGLE.  The Gravity-Defying Pants.  These pants are crying out, "HURRY!!!  Leave us right here.  You go do something more important.  We'll be right here when you get done."

The apple doesn't fall far from the tree, does it?  I guess neither do the pants...

Household Hazards of Wearing Flip Flops: A Public Service Announcement

As Spring has blown in with a puff of yellow pollen, and the sun is shining down upon the blooming flowers and trees, women everywhere have shed their woolly socks, have shaved their woolly legs, and have begun the seasonal rite of wearing flip flops.

 

With the donning of flip flops everywhere, we feel the urgent need to post this WARNING, so that the possibility for injury may be decreased.  There are terrible, terrible things that can happen to women in flip flops (WIFFs)...things so terrible, that they may not be spoken of on this family-friendly network. 

 

In lieu of speaking of the terrible, terrible things, some pictorial re-enactments will be used.

 

Our Safety Preparedness Team has taken the ultimate precautions in producing some timely, and thought-provoking Flip Flop Reenactments.  WIFFs, please do NOT try these things at home.  In an effort to educate the cool-toe America, Flip Flop Professionals were used for these shots.  Again, DO NOT try this at home!

 

(No animals were harmed during this re-enactment.)

 

BEWARE of the DANGERS awaiting the tender, unprotected toes of WIFFs...

 

In the depths of a dark closet, all flip flops look the same...

 

Not all flip flops are created equal...Beware of EOFF, Equal Opportunity Flip Flops.  There is no flip flop affirmative action 'round these parts.

BEWARE!  Stomping a big spider with a Flip Flop must be done with studied precision...

I'd better stomp that spider HARD and FAST!

 

 

 

 

Careless vacuuming could cost you a toe....

Nothing that a little bag of frozen peas, and some needle and thread can't help.  Good as new!

What other dangers are lurking around the corner for WIFFs???

 

 

Dropping a condiment bottle...

May cause an unkind word to escape...

(Shoot a monkey!  I was saying, "Shoot a monkey!!!")

Speaking of...

It's not pleasant getting your bare flip flop toe stomped on by a 48 lb. monkey wearing Easter shoes

That's not a monkey, that's my DAUGHTER!

Oy!  That's gonna leave a mark...

See!  What'd I tell ya?

 

Honey?!!  Can you bring back the bag of frozen peas?

Split pea soup for dinner?

 

 

Just FYI...Holding your foot under a closing garage door isn't smart

Oh, and another thing...

Hitting the door with your fist...doesn't open up the garage door.

Dangers for the Flip Flop don't just lurk INSIDE your house...

They also lurk in YOUR YARD...

(Lurk, lurk, lurk)

Yard land mines prove especially tricky for WIFFs

 

and ICKY...

Is THAT what I THINK it is???

Oh NOOOOOO!

 

Excuse me while I vomit...

 

 

In conclusion,

There are Household Hazards a'plenty for Women in Flip Flops (WIFFs).

Be on the lookout for the DANGER ZONES I have warned you about.

Be diligent

Be vigilant

Be flipflopulent

 
 We hope this Public Service Announcement was helpful to you.  Use extreme caution when baring your toes in the flip flop.  Flip flops can be fun (and breezy) until someone gets hurt.  Then it's not fun.  It's un-fun.

Please talk to your kids about wearing flip flops.  Talking to your kids about the dangers of the flip flop may not be as hard as you think.  It may just save a life...or a toe...or a really cute Yellow Box Flip Flop.  And at $28 a pair, that is important.

Thank you.  And may God bless the Flip Flop Wearers of America.
 
 Linked up with: