MarytheKaytheBlog

Do you ever feel like a failure?

Do you ever feel like a failure?

Because I sure do.

I did earlier today, and I do again tonight.

Wow.  How's that for Telling Your Truth Tuesday?

Well, why the heck not tell the truth?  The perfection I see on Facebook and Instagram and Twitter gets exhausting.  I prefer real any old day.

So, my real for today is this:  I value relationship over task.  In Bible circles, this could be defined by saying that I'm much more "Mary" than "Martha."  

That all sounds really great in theory...but in practice?  I feel like a failure.

I know there are little plaques and refrigerator magnets that say something along the lines of...Kids will remember what you DO with them much more than HOW CLEAN your house was.

But, guess what?  Your neighbor remembers the messy house.

The messy house which must mean the mama is lazy or undisciplined or scatterbrained.

Or, the worst assumption of all...a messy housekeeper.  *sigh*

I try.  I try to tell my brain that my kids will grow up feeling loved.  They will remember having fun.  They'll remember getting to roller skate through the house, having picnics in the living room, and getting to make messy magical potions out of the spice cabinet.

But...sadly, they'll probably also remember Mama's INTENSE stress level to clean the house when company's coming over.  

Because, even though I value relationship over task, I still have a brain.  And I still feel like a failure when someone sees my messy house.

So, I have to YELL and STRESS and FREAK OUT a little (okay, a lot!) in order to get this messy house magically all tidy before guests come over.

And that is my truth for today.

In other news...Since I have no company planning to come over tomorrow...tonight, I am going to bed with a MESSY house.  Yes, I sure am.

Feeling like a failure really zaps the energy right out of ya.  And nothing helps failure-feeling like a fresh, and rested perspective.

And, who knows?  Maybe the cleaning fairies will visit overnight...

What are you feeling like a failure about today?

(Or, am I the only one?)

Five Fun Facts

Okay, the real title today was supposed to be, "Five Random Facts."  But, hello, alliteration! 

I haven't written in a couple of days...because I got a little freaked/creeped out by Mother Internet and Big Sister and World Wide Web Conspiracy Theories and Mean People out in the big world finding my little ole blog.  (Mean people, I am talking to YOU.  Yes, you.  And I am dealing with the thought of you looking at my blog by praying that you will MASH your fingers, and STUB your toes, and FALL into giant holes, and become ETERNALLY INCONTINENT and have to wear DIAPERS for the rest of your LIVES.)

Thank you.  I feel so much better now getting that off my chest.

Now.  Onto Five Fun Facts.

*Insert carnival music here*

 1.  Sometimes, (cough cough understatement) I struggle with putting things away.  For example, right now, there are 2 rolls of red wrapping paper on my bedroom floor.  Yep, Christmas rolls of wrapping paper.  And, yes, it is January 31st--exactly 37 days after Christmas. 

2.  I have a terrible sense of direction.  If somebody tells me their business is on the east side of the highway, my brain goes completely BLANK.  Now, if you tell me the business is next to the yellow building with the funny looking sign, I will know exactly where it is.  But, north, south, east, west--I am lost.  My husband, who has excellent direction skills, has spent our entire marriage trying to explain direction to me.  The entire time he is explaining, my brain is saying, "La la laaaaa, la la laaaaa."

3.  I just ate 2 donuts.  And now I feel kind of sick.  Oh, how I WISH I were just speaking figureatively.

 

 

4.  My parents just got the CUTEST little puppy, and now I have puppy fever.  (Husband, are you READING THIS?  I. Have. Puppy. Fever. --Which is a heck of a lot better than having baby fever.  And cheaper.  And my BIRTHDAY is coming up!!!!)  Their precious wittle puppy is a Shih Poo, which honestly, makes me laugh in a very junior high sort of way.  'Cause I want to ask, "She did WHAT?"  But, back to my case of puppy fever.  Their little baby puppy weighs 1.8 pounds, and will fit in the palm of my hand.  Can you tell I really WANT ONE?  Me thinks me wants a baby Sheltie, though.

5.  Our house is a giant black hole for bobby pins and ponytail elastics.  Whoever is sneaking into my house and stealing all the bobby pins and elastics had better STOP.  Because it is making me crazy.  Maybe my daughters think this is like the old show Green Acres...and toss their bobby pins and ponytail elastics out the window every time they use them, just like Zsa Zsa did with dirty dishes.

Well, that's 5, and that means it's time to stop.

Your turn!  What are Five Fun Facts about YOU?  

Come on!  Play along!  Don't be a stick-in-the-mud...

On being married to a hunter man...

WARNING:  The following photographs may not be suitable for all human-types.  For example, women and girly mans with weak stomachs may want to go on and exit now while there's still time.  Also, people who are members of a certain group that rhymes with "MEET-AH" should know that "No animals were harmed in the filming of this episode."  *wink wink*

Don't say I didn't warn ya.

Now...back to our previously scheduled post:

On being married to a hunter man...

 

Unfortunately, you just never know what is lurking inside your freezer.

Before I show you this next picture, you MUST KNOW that this is NOT my regular refrigerator/freezer.  This is my basement one--in which I keep NO fresh food.  I only store SEALED, and NEVER BEEN OPENED items.  And also my ice cold Coca-Coleys.

 

Thank you for that disclaimer.  It makes me feel like I saved a tiny shred of my dignity.

 

Brace yourself, Marge.  I give you the freezer of hunter man:

 

What?????

 

I do believe something's a'foul here...

 

But, whatever couldeth it be???

 

Let me show you thy up close view...

Oh, don't mind ole Phil the pheasant.  He's just chillin'.

Like a villain.

Got his...talons...to the ceilin'...

Okay, I'll stop now.

You're welcome.

For the rhyming, and also for the vision of my freezer forever embedded into your ever-loving memory.

Yeah, but what's in YOUR freezer, huh?

Am I passionate about my job?

This magazine came in the mail the other day.  As soon as I saw the headline, I stopped dead in my tracks:

Am I passionate about my work?

You mean--my work here at home?

My job as a (dare I say it???) housewife, mom, and homeschool teacher?

"Well, of course I'm passionate about my job!"  I say

I nodded my head, and walked around my house, I mean my workplace...

Why, JUST LOOK at all of my job perks!

(Also, don't forget how FANCY my workplace is...)

So, yes.

Yes, I am *passionate* about my job.

Although..."passionate" may not be the most accurate choice of words...

What do you think?

Are you *passionate* about your job?

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Household Hazards: What to do when your pantry smells like poop

1.  Above all else, remain calm.

2.  If you happen to be starving to death--even after smelling the horrible, gag-inducing, poop-smelling pantry, then you must really be starving to death, and should go ahead and eat.  A girl needs her protein in order to face the death-inducing smell.

3.  Too bad you have to look in the poop-smelling pantry to find something to eat.

4.  Better yet--find something in the fridge.

5.  Aw man, ya need to throw something away in the pantry.  Just throw it out in the yard and hope for the whole circle of life thing to happen.

6.  All done eating in the opposite end of the house...now it's time to get back to the Pantry Patrol.  Gotta find out where that nasty poop smell is coming from.  Sniff, sniff, sniff, sniffffff aaaahhhhggggghhh.  THERE IT IS.  I'm gonna die.  I'm gonna die.  I'm gonna die.  It's the Bob Evans pre-made macaroni and cheese, and it has leaked all over the shelf.

7.  Lean over the trash can and heave 12 times.

8.  Throw the NASTY horrible, gag-inducing, poop-smelling leaky mac 'n cheese away.  Pull everything out of the pantry, and wipe down the shelves.

9.  Oh, I give up. I can't stand it anymore. Wake up the kids, bundle them up and load up in the car.  We are staying in a MOTEL tonight.

10.  As soon as everyone wakes up, call a realtor.

Goodbye forever, poopy pantry...

I'm really not as ditzy or slovenly as these silly pictures are making me appear...  I mean, I clean out that pantry AT LEAST once every couple of years...or decades.  But, it doesn't matter anyway now.  I have NAILED the pantry door closed now.  We'll just line up our can goods across the counter tops from now on.

And, that concludes our study on: What to do when your pantry smells like poop.  Please tune in next time to learn:  What to do when you need the broom inside the nailed up pantry.

Can anybody...anybody out there empathize (identify??) with me?

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Household Hazards of Wearing a Scarf: Take Two

In honor of the glorious fall--scarf-wearing weather!!--I thought I would re-post this VERY IMPORTANT WARNING regarding the wearing of fashionable scarves...

This warning is for fashionable women everywhere who partake in the wearing of the oh-so-chic neck scarves.  Little do you know, Women of the Scarf (WOTS), that those very same accessories which bring you so much joy and confidence, may also bring injury...injuries so terrible that they may not be spoken on this family-friendly network.

In lieu of those terrible scarf injury descriptions, we have provided a pictorial reference.  Please, please print out these photos, and place them in those areas around your house you deem the most dangerous...to the scarf.

Our safety preparedness team has taken the ultimate precautions in producing these Scarf Re-enactments. WOTS, please DO NOT try this at home.  In an effort to educate the fashionable public, Scarf Professionals were used to pose these shots.  Again, DO NOT try this at home!! 

(No animals were harmed during this re-enactment)

  

BEWARE OF THE DANGEROUS SCARF AROUND THE HOUSE:

Danger danger, Will Robinson!!!  Do you see the scarf dangerously inching herself towards the searing red stove?  STEP BACK FROM THE STOVE.

"AAAAHHHHH!!!  Hot oven, hot oven!!"  That pesky scarf is not only slinking towards the red hot element, she is also dirtying herself on the greasy oven door.  Bad scarf.

Well, look who jumped out of the oven and into the frying pan...er, pan full of soapy bubbles.  Silly scarf, tricks are for kids!

 

WARNING:  The next pictures may be especially disturbing to some viewers.  Please use discretion.

The kitchen's not the only place that pesky scarf gets into trouble...  When working around toilets, be especially vigilant:  The scarf loves nothing more than skimming over the smooth porcelain to grab a quick dip in the cool water...  You certainly don't want anyone asking, "Where'd you get your clothes...from the...toilet store?"

And always, ALWAYS beware when practicing with your 1894 Winchester Lever Action around the house.  The scarf always says, "A gun is a tool MarytheKay, no better or worse than the woman who uses it."

 

We hope this Public Service Announcement was helpful to you.  Use extreme caution when wearing the scarf...or when accessorizing with anything fashionable.  Accessories are fun, until someone gets hurt.  Then, it's not fun.  It's un-fun.   

Please talk to you kids about scarves.   Talking to your kids about the dangers of the scarf isn't as hard as you think.  It just may save a life...or a really cute scarf you bought at Old Navy for like $12 with a 10% off coupon.

Thank you, and goodnight, good people.

(For more Household Hazard fun, click here!)

Same Song...Second Verse

I am feeling very tired today.  Earlier today, I was trying to figure out why I'm so tired.  And I think I figured it out:  We've been running, running all summer...then we moved home from summer camp last Saturday, and started school on Monday.  Now, here we are running, running again. 

I'm tired of running.  Is it okay if I just sit down for a moment?

I was looking at my blog posts from last year right around this time, and I think I found another reason I'm tired.  Last year's blog post could very easily be this year's...  I am dealing with the same unpacking, same messes.  Messes that make me want to become a minimalist, and start tossing things into trash bags.  (I don't think I should be held responsible for those actions...do you?)

So, in lieu of more words (whining), I thought I'd just re-post last year's thoughts...and embarassing pictures.  I have no idea why I love embarassing myself so much.  I guess I'm just keeping it real.

-------------

(re-posted from August 2010)

I am all about keeping things real here.  I know that earlier this week I wrote about the inexpensive kitchen makeover we did a couple of years ago--just by painting our cabinets.  Now, although I am VERY proud of the VERY HARD WORK we did to paint those cabinets, and how my lighter kitchen just makes my heart happy...I think I need to show you the not-too-uncommon state of affairs in said kitchen.

 But, first!  I need to make a disclaimer.  Hey--get used to it.  This blog will have lots and lots of disclaimers.  It's my blog, and I'll make excuses disclaimers if I want to! 

 We've been living in our summer camp cabin all summer.  We moved home the other day to our 1,000 degree house with the broken air conditioner in the middle of heat-advisory temperatures.  Seriously, it was hotter in our house than outside!  So, "moving home" consisted of walking in the door, and dropping each load of stuff somewhere in the house.  There was NO putting anything away.  I couldn't even think straight in that heat. 

 We just got our air conditioner fixed (*cue the Hallelujah Chorus*), and spent our first night in the house last night!

 This morning when I woke up to the glorious messes everywhere, I just knew I had to snap some pictures.

 So, here is the horrible, ugly truth about my house today...  Hopefully in the next couple of days I will be able to post some nice and tidy "After" pictures.

 Here goes...  I hope you will not disown me or un-follow me because of these pictures.  I am a work in progress--and evidently, so is my house!

 

Can you BELIEVE I was able to sleep last night with a sink full of dirty dishes?  Gasp!  For some strange reason, we decided to completely clean out the fridge last night before putting stuff away...  Ah, but the fridge is sparkly beautiful!  But, dishes in the sink--eh, they can wait until morning!

In the midst of all of the clutter, I still heart this kitchen very much.  Sigh.

Oh but wait!  The mess doesn't stop in the kitchen...it overflows into the living room!  You can see how we just dropped load after load of stuff right in the middle of the floor.  (Those are some well-fed dogs, huh?)

 Oh, but the next picture is the most embarrassing of all--to me.  Our master bedroom, our sanctuary from the outside world, our lovely made-over (nearly finished) bedroom...Well, is not so lovely...yet...

Yes, this is where the bulk of all of the moved home from summer camp stuff has landed.  In the back room of the house, where messes can be hidden from prying visitor's eyes.  And, here I go showing it for all the world to judge.  Oh well.  The only bright spots in the picture are possibly the 2 cheery Vera Bradley duffel bags.  Do you see them?  Vera can make you smile...even in the midst of a room tornado.

Do you notice the nice little trail through the room?  Reminds me of a song my sister and I used to love to sing together...

 Dum ba dee dah, Dum ba dee dah, Dum ba dee dah, Dummm

Happy Trails, to youuuu

Until we meet againnn......

 Okay, I'm done embarrassing myself.

The end.  No more.

Now go on home and mind ya own bidness!

You can't take me anywhere!

 
 Seriously, I am not fit for proper company.

Here's why:  I just googled "What to do when you accidently spit on someone else's food."

Guess what the answer is?

Well, there's not one.  Probably because no one in history has ever spit on someone's food by accident.   On purpose--sure, all the time!  Oh yeah, waiters spit on rude people's food all the time.  And you picky people--you KNOW the waiter spits on the steak you're sending back because it's not quite right.

Here's what happened when I did the accidental spitting:  The other night at our summer camp was pizza night.  Pizza night means that each table is served a large pizza in the middle of the table.  I was chatting with the guests next to me (who I didn't know well), when all-of-a-sudden a stream of spit just jumped right out of my mouth!  I think in high school, we called this form of spit a "gleek."  As in, "Dude, you just gleeked me!"

Anyway, I saw the gleeked spit arc through the air and land splat on the fat crust of the sausage pizza.  The sausage pizza that was for our whole table.  I think I even froze in my conversation for a moment as the spit landed.  Which, of course, just drew more attention to my spit.  Lovely.

So, what did I do?  Well, I just calmly reached down and put that piece of pizza onto my plate, as if it was the exact piece I wanted in the first place!

Crisis solved.

Forget Emily Post.  I'm starting my OWN etiquette website for losers like me...and my first category shall be called:

Accidental spitting

(Of course, I'd include my Household Hazards articles on The Dangers of Flip Flops as well as The Hazards of Wearing the Scarf.)

What categories would YOU need for me to include in MarytheKay's Book of Etiquette for Losers like Herself?

This is what happens when your husband is in Purchasing...

Just the other day I went to clean the guest bathroom, also known at our house as "Daddy's bathroom."  Why, yes.  Yes, we do segregate our bathrooms.  Mine, theirs, and his. 

Anyway, I pulled back the shower curtain, and THIS is what I found.

 

What is that, you ask???

Well, look closer...

There's a LABEL!

I don't even want to know HOW the dispenser is attached to the shower.  I'm pretty sure it is not with the lovely removable 3M adhesive...

Although I did do a double-take when I saw the commercial soap dispenser, I must admit...I wasn't completely shocked.  You see, my husband is in charge of Purchasing at our summer camp.  Plus, remember how as much as I'd like to be...I'm not fancy.

Makes me wonder what's next, though. 

 
Um, NO.  Pleasepleaseplease NO.

 

Not much better...

 
 

Since there are girls in our family...and Dave is always interested in commerce...

 

 Or perhaps this?

And, no.  I am NOT going any farther.  I am not going to post pictures of *those* machines.  You know the ones.  Those nasty machines at truck stops, that my precious darlings start to look at and ask, "Mommy..."  "STOP!! Stop looking at that!!!" 

"But, what is..."  "STOP.  It's not anything you need to know about.  Quick--look at the floor!!  Are you done?  Hurry, hurry.  Come on!  Let's go!  Well, pull up your pants, then!"

 

So...maybe I need to be okay with the commercial soap dispenser in the guest bathroom.  It could be a lot worse...

Can anyone relate with me? 

I have a friend in the auction business.  I bet she can relate in similar ways...  "But, honey!  It was a good deal..."

No more spiders!

Consider for a moment a world without spiders.

What a lovely world that would be.

Sadly enough, I do not live in that world.  My world is sometimes filled with icky, nasty mean spiders who insist on sharing our summer camp cabin with us.  And many of those nasty spiders out here are the meanest of all--they are the poisonous brown recluses.

Take a moment and fan yourself to regain composure.

Yes, I know.  Brown recluse spiders are horrible.  I do not know why God created them.  But, I'm sure He had a reason.  It probably had to do with biting the devil, or something logical like that.

Anyway, because I do not want those nasty brown recluse spiders to bite my precious babies, or my own precious skin, I declare WAR on them. 

I thought I would share my SPIDER WAR SECRETS with you today.

After I thoroughly spray my cabin for spiders and bugs, here is the weapon of choice I use to kill those nasty spiders (that often invade our cabin in spite of the professional spider spraying):

Household Pest Glue Boards...aka, Spider Catchers 

 Oh, I know you can read the directions to figure out how to fold the traps.  Please just humor me.  I feel so helpful snapping these pictures!

 
Oh, and by the way, you do not have to fold the glue boards into the boxes.  I have a certain family member who claims the entire surface under her bed is filled with open glue boards...just waiting to trap the spider who dares to enter.  Sort of a gauntlet for spiders.  Only, there is no princess at the end to kiss the spider who makes it through alive.

I place these glue boards, I mean spider catchers, throughout my cabin:  1-2 under each bed, under the couches, behind bookcases, behind the sink, and behind our laundry baskets.  Basically, I follow the directions on the box, and place the spider catchers everywhere I've ever spotted a spider!  I may be a little excessive about my placement of the spider catchers, but with every one I put out, Miss OCD feels a little better come bedtime!  The fewer the dreams about brown recluses, the better.  Right?

Okay, now...brace yourselves...are you ready for the BIG REVEAL?  I feel like we're doing a reality show now...

*speaking softly into the microphone*  Folks, we are now seconds away from the biggest reveal all season...the moment all spiders have been waiting for...to find out WHICH SPIDERS have been caught in the trap...OH!  And here they are.  The spiders whose fate was abruptly ended...All here, on Spider Catchers TV!!

WARNING:  Offensive picture may violate your tender sensibilities

Now, if THAT doesn't make you want to run out and buy some spider catchers, then I don't know what will!

If it makes you want to run to the toilet and vomit, or curl up in the fetal position under your covers, then I do appologize.  
 
P.S.  I feel the great need to tell you that this trap has been out for a year.  I promise this is not a month's worth of spiders in our cabin.  I do believe I would faint dead away if this was only a month's worth of spiders and bugs...

Do you have any tricks for catching spiders and other nasty creepy crawlers?

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Works for Me Wednesday at We are THAT Family