I asked my husband to take these funny pictures...
Please, oh please click here to find out why in the world I had him take these pictures!
You never know--it COULD just save your life!!
P.S. I would love to do another Household Hazards Series--for the good of the public, of course--any fun ideas? (You've seen this one, haven't you?)
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Okay, so sometimes when I post ideas or creative projects (like yesterday), I second-guess myself. I start worrying that people will think that I think (got that?) that they think (okay, enough already!!!) that I have everything under control. That I have a pair of craft scissors in one hand and a whisk and a recipe book in the other. That my life is tidy, happy, and perfect.
Boy, do I have you people fooled. *cue scary laughter*
I admit, I do like being creative. I have these ideas all the time, popping into my head, and disturbing important events...like sweeping and vacuuming and picking up.
So, today, I want to keep it real. Here is the price my family pays for my creativity. Let me warn you, it's not pretty. You may never be able to look at me the same again.
My kids and I might be in the kitchen rolling out pierogies or cutting out tiny purple paper cupcakes for birthday invitations...
But, HERE is what my house looks like in the mean-time.
(I'm only showing you 1 room. I can't bear to show any more.) Oh, and I feel the overwhelming need to tell you that I took this picture in the morning. YES, Mom, I PROMISE I make up my bed every. single. day. Pinkie promise.
I know you're cringing over the disaster of a bedroom. When we got home Sunday night, I had a tree to decorate, so I just dropped all the bags tidily along the perimeter of the room. I hope you notice the nice little walkway. (I'm just trying to rescue the tiniest scrap of self-respect here.)
I hope you also notice something else. Does anybody else think the gravity-defying pants are funny? Do you see them?
Here, I'll zoom in:
NOOO! They're not MY pants. They belong to a certain daughter. But, they do make me GIGGLE. The Gravity-Defying Pants. These pants are crying out, "HURRY!!! Leave us right here. You go do something more important. We'll be right here when you get done."
The apple doesn't fall far from the tree, does it? I guess neither do the pants...
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As Spring has blown in with a puff of yellow pollen, and the sun is shining down upon the blooming flowers and trees, women everywhere have shed their woolly socks, have shaved their woolly legs, and have begun the seasonal rite of wearing flip flops.
With the donning of flip flops everywhere, we feel the urgent need to post this WARNING, so that the possibility for injury may be decreased. There are terrible, terrible things that can happen to women in flip flops (WIFFs)...things so terrible, that they may not be spoken of on this family-friendly network.
In lieu of speaking of the terrible, terrible things, some pictorial re-enactments will be used.
Our Safety Preparedness Team has taken the ultimate precautions in producing some timely, and thought-provoking Flip Flop Reenactments. WIFFs, please do NOT try these things at home. In an effort to educate the cool-toe America, Flip Flop Professionals were used for these shots. Again, DO NOT try this at home!
(No animals were harmed during this re-enactment.)
BEWARE of the DANGERS awaiting the tender, unprotected toes of WIFFs...
Not all flip flops are created equal...Beware of EOFF, Equal Opportunity Flip Flops. There is no flip flop affirmative action 'round these parts.
BEWARE! Stomping a big spider with a Flip Flop must be done with studied precision...
I'd better stomp that spider HARD and FAST!
Careless vacuuming could cost you a toe....
Nothing that a little bag of frozen peas, and some needle and thread can't help. Good as new!
What other dangers are lurking around the corner for WIFFs???
Dropping a condiment bottle...
May cause an unkind word to escape...
(Shoot a monkey! I was saying, "Shoot a monkey!!!")
Speaking of...
It's not pleasant getting your bare flip flop toe stomped on by a 48 lb. monkey wearing Easter shoes
That's not a monkey, that's my DAUGHTER!
Oy! That's gonna leave a mark...
See! What'd I tell ya?
Honey?!! Can you bring back the bag of frozen peas?
Split pea soup for dinner?
Just FYI...Holding your foot under a closing garage door isn't smart
Oh, and another thing...
Hitting the door with your fist...doesn't open up the garage door.
Dangers for the Flip Flop don't just lurk INSIDE your house...
They also lurk in YOUR YARD...
(Lurk, lurk, lurk)
Yard land mines prove especially tricky for WIFFs
and ICKY...
Is THAT what I THINK it is???
Oh NOOOOOO!
In conclusion,
There are Household Hazards a'plenty for Women in Flip Flops (WIFFs).
Be on the lookout for the DANGER ZONES I have warned you about.
Be diligent
Be vigilant
Be flipflopulent
We hope this Public Service Announcement was helpful to you. Use extreme caution when baring your toes in the flip flop. Flip flops can be fun (and breezy) until someone gets hurt. Then it's not fun. It's un-fun.
Please talk to your kids about wearing flip flops. Talking to your kids about the dangers of the flip flop may not be as hard as you think. It may just save a life...or a toe...or a really cute Yellow Box Flip Flop. And at $28 a pair, that is important.
Thank you. And may God bless the Flip Flop Wearers of America.
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This warning is for fashionable women everywhere who partake in the wearing of the oh-so-chic neck scarves. Little do you know, Women of the Scarf (WOTS), that those very same accessories which bring you so much joy and confidence, may also bring injury...injuries so terrible that they may not be spoken on this family-friendly network.
In lieu of those terrible scarf injury descriptions, we have provided a pictorial reference. Please, please print out these photos, and place them in those areas around your house you deem the most dangerous...to the scarf.
Our safety preparedness team has taken the ultimate precautions in producing these Scarf Re-enactments. WOTS, please DO NOT try this at home. In an effort to educate the fashionable public, Scarf Professionals were used to pose these shots. Again, DO NOT try this at home!!
(No animals were harmed during this re-enactment)
BEWARE OF THE DANGEROUS SCARF AROUND THE HOUSE:
Danger danger, Will Robinson!!! Do you see the scarf dangerously inching herself towards the searing red stove? STEP BACK FROM THE STOVE.
"AAAAHHHHH!!! Hot oven, hot oven!!" That pesky scarf is not only slinking towards the red hot element, she is also dirtying herself on the greasy oven door. Bad scarf.
Well, look who jumped out of the oven and into the frying pan...er, pan full of soapy bubbles. Silly scarf, tricks are for kids!
WARNING: The next pictures may be especially disturbing to some viewers. Please use discretion.
The kitchen's not the only place that pesky scarf gets into trouble... When working around toilets, be especially vigilant: The scarf loves nothing more than skimming over the smooth porcelain to grab a quick dip in the cool water... You certainly don't want anyone asking, "Where'd you get your clothes...from the...toilet store?"
And always, ALWAYS beware when practicing with your 1894 Winchester Lever Action around the house. The scarf always says, "A gun is a tool MarytheKay, no better or worse than the woman who uses it."
We hope this Public Service Announcement was helpful to you. Use extreme caution when wearing the scarf...or when accessorizing with anything fashionable. Accessories are fun, until someone gets hurt. Then, it's not fun. It's un-fun.
Please talk to you kids about scarves. Talking to your kids about the dangers of the scarf isn't as hard as you think. It just may save a life...or a really cute scarf you bought at Old Navy for like $12 with a 10% off coupon.
TUNE IN NEXT WEEK when we will provide another riveting service announcement regarding
The Household Hazards of Wearing the Scottish Kilt...
Has this Public Service Announcement touched your heart? Then, read on...
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