MarytheKaytheBlog

Tree Tings (...or, as normal people would say it: Three Things)

I'm sorry.  But "tree tings" is just SO much more interesting and fun to say than "three things." 

Wouldn't you agree?

Oh well.  Maybe I'm the only one.

I'm currently doing my best to hack up a lung.  Literally.  

(Can't you just picture it?  I just love it when people say "literally," and I get a mental picture of them literally doing...whatever it is...)  So, are you picturing me with a lung?

Speaking of hacking...What is UP with the allergies this year???  Man oh man, have they been bad around here.  They are bad with extra bad sauce on top.  And some extra bad on the side, too.

(Yep.  I just made up the "bad sauce" part.  Do you like it?  Feel free to start using it.  BUT, you must ALWAYS SAY BEFOREHAND:  "Like my very witty friend used to say...that's bad with extra bad sauce on top...")

Are you getting an idea of WHY the title of my post is "Tree Tings?"

Maybe, just maybe, I am not feeling eloquent, or deep tonight.

Unlike every other post I write.

Okay, but so I won't disappoint you good people, here are 

TREE TINGS:

Ting #1:  I've mentioned here before that we work at a summer camp.  A Christian urban summer sports camp.  Or is it urban Christian summer sports camp...?   Oh, whatever you want to call loving kids like Jesus would, and playing loud rap music and lots and lots of sports.

But, here's the real ting:  This is my 24th summer working at this summer camp.  I have spent my entire adult life summers at camp.  I haven't had a summer break since I graduated from high school.  Weird, huh?  If we suddenly didn't work at camp anymore (and the thought has crossed my mind a time or two!), what in the HECK would we do in the summers?  Is there a Summer for Dummies book?  I'd sure have to read it.

Ting #2:  I took a walk tonight, and heard the most awesome song in my headphones.  Oh my word, when this song started, I started grinning like a big ole goober face.  I wanted to wave my arms, as if I were directing the music of this gorgeous song.  But, not to worry--I kept my arms (mostly) to my sides.  I'm pretty sure my big smiley head was doing enough nodding and bobbing to direct the music, anyway.

Keep an open mind as you listen to this song.  It may not be your favorite style of music--but the melody and harmonies in it are breathtaking.

I give you Time to Say Goodbye by Andrea Bocelli and Sarah Brightman:

 

Ruh row.  Now, WHAT was that turd ting...

(I've been waiting the ENTIRE post to be able to say that!  Thanks for playing along.)

Ting #3: I have some really good posts in the works.  Please forgive my lack of writing lately... Moving out to summer camp, and transitioning into working full-time in the summers always takes adjusting.  Time adjusting, heart adjusting, attitude adjusting, parenting adjusting, marriage adjusting...Whew!  There seems to be a whole POST of adjusting stuff to talk about!  I'm doing my best to stay balanced and healthy in all of this adjusting.  Trying to keep the important stuff at the top.  

I just say all of this to say THANKS for being patient with my lack of writing...while I'm adjusting.

Well, there ya have it.  The world's deepest post yet.  Deep, with some deep sauce on top.   And of course some deep sauce on the side. Would I serve it any other way?

Your turn!  Please tell me TREE TINGS that are on your mind... (Don't forget the TURD ONE)

My never-ending internal soundtrack

(Let me warn you.  This post is going to be deeeeep.)

Does anyone--besides me--have a soundtrack going on in your head ALL the time?  Just a little bit ago, I realized I was singing a sort of old-school cheer in my head...over and over again.  And right after I realized that, my brain, inadvertently, moved on to another wacky song from the 80's.

Please tell me I'm not alone.  Tell me that you all have similar songs from your life that play reflexively in your head all the time.

Yes?

I'm going to try to describe some of these songs as best I can--to see if you recognize any of them.  AND to see if any of you have a similar soundtrack going on.  It seems that most of my internal soundtrack consists of beat box songs.  I'm not sure if that's because I never know the words to the music, or if really, I am a beat box GENIUS just waiting to be discovered. 

I bet that's it...

Okay, here goes!  Here are some of the songs in my internal soundtrack selection.  Let me know if you recognize any of them:

1.)  Boom boom, lacka lacka lacka boom.  Boom boom, lacka lacka Boom! Boom!

2.)  Aw huh, yeah yeah.  Aw huh, yeah yeah.  (That is actually the South Arkansas version from my youth.  Probably the Missouri version would be:  "Uh huh, yeah yeah.  Uh huh, yeah yeah")

3.)  Dum bah-dee-dah, dum bah-dee-dah, dum ba-dee-dah bummmm...

4.)  Chicken in a basket, chicken in a basket, chicken in a basket, basket, basket...

5.)  Bom bom bom, bum de dum, bum de dummmm.  Bum bum bum, bom de dum, bom de dummmm.  Bump bump bump, bump, be dumpy dump, dee dee, dee dee dumpy dump, dump dee dump, dump dee dump.  (I'm sorry, but I am REALLY cracking myself up over here.  I PROMISE this is a real song.  And I PROMISE I sing it this way in my head.)

6.)  Chicka chicka boom, chicka boom boom boom.

7.)  I dedicate this one to my big brudder.  The fact that I even know the words is all his fault...  And, if only you could HEAR me sing this one, you'd be truly blessed...   "A big blabber mouth, that's what she is.  If she a talk show host, she BE A STAR!!!"

8.)  I used to hear this show coming from my parents' bedroom every single night as I was drifting off to sleep...  bumbumbumbumm, bumm bumm, bumbumbumbum, bumm.  Bumbumbumbum bumm bumm, bumbumbumbumbummm bummm.  (Hint: Big ocean wave.)

9.)  Oh, no, oh no, he's up to my toe, he's up to my toe.  Oh, gee, oh gee, he's up to my knee, he's up to my knee.  Oh fiddle, oh fiddle, he's up to my middle, he's up to my middle.  Oh, heck, oh heck, he's up to my...shhep gump.  (This song has a lovely percussive accompaniment made by the spit in the back of my mouth.)

10.)  This song is fun, because it has several variations that I have created.  Same line of the song, different sounds.  And the number of sounds possible?  Limitless entertainment possibilities...  Here 'tis:  La lala la la, la-la la la lala, la-la, la, lala la laaaa.   OR  Reh rehreh reh reh, re-reh, reh rereh, reh, rereh re rereh reh rehhhh.  OR  Dee deedee dee dee, dee-dee dee dee deedee, dee-dee, dee, deedee dee deeee. 

Want me to go on?  Okay, I'll stop.  No need for thank you letters at this time. 

So, what do you think?

Beat box PRODIGY, or CRAZY WOMAN on the loose???

What's on YOUR internal soundtrack?

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People Google the Strangest Things (to land on my blog)

Recently, I checked out some of the search words people have used to land on my blog.  Some of them made sense.  Others?  Well, they are just downright strange.

Is my blog content really that strange...that Google sends these people to me?

(Wait.  Don't answer that question.)

Here are some of the strange things that Google thought I'd answer on my blog...

These are, honest-to-goodness, words people typed into Google--and Google sent to my blog.  The phrases people searched are in BOLD.  The italicized words...are my very thoughtful answers.

 

Love my double pierced ears

(Well, good for you, honey!  Now go finish your homework.)

Millionaires prom dress

(I don't know why you're Googling this.  Everybody knows millionaires shop at Macy's.)

Money is no object luxuries items

(Well, I know I am a FANCY blog and all...but, I sure don't brag about all my "luxuries" items.)

Money saving tips Dave Ramsey

(Well, I'm not Dave Ramsey.  But, here's a money saving tip he would approve of:  Quit spending it.)

Moral support

(I feel bad that someone uses her computer for moral support.  Where are her girlfriends???  Where is her MAMA???)

My toenail is coming off.  What do I do?

(You go to the DOCTOR.)

Possum pastries

(Does Google really think I'm THAT redneck??  Well, then I should tell you to be careful with the dough: possum is extra greasy.)

joney dep

(I'm not sure what this means...but I'm pretty sure it's what the lady at the nail salon kept asking me last week, before I finally just nodded...and she painted fireworks on my big toenails.)

Just took a picture of my lasagna

(And...?  Do you want Google to congratulate you?)

Kids watching tv in dirty room

(Well, tell 'em to CLEAN IT UP!  And while you're at it--GET OFF THE COMPUTER and HELP THEM.)

Light bulb counseling

(Honey, I totally understand.  Just know that I am here for you, anytime you need to talk...about light bulbs.)

Scary piano song duh duh. duh duh

(Hmm.  I don't know that song.  I do, however, know the dum dum da dummm, dum da dum dum dum da dummm song.  Is it similar?)

Spiders that are not nasty

(Person, I hate to tell you--but there is NO SUCH THING as a spider that is not nasty.)

Top 10 things to do with a broken foot

(Here, let me give you the top 3:  1).  GO TO THE DOCTOR  2.) Stay off your foot.  3.) Don't DO anything with it.  Just let it be.  Doing things is what got it broken in the first place.)

What does hermitcrabs look like when they are born?

(Well, I have no idea.  I've never even thought about it.  But now, I NEED TO KNOW...What DOES hermitcrabs look like when they are born???  Ahhh, click here to find out.  They're so cute I want to fry 'em up and eat 'em for dinner.)

Yes I am

(No, you're not)

You did great adverbs

(Thank you.  I mean--Thank you very much.  Grammar humor there, if you caught it...quickly enough.)

What's the strangest thing YOU'VE Googled recently?

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An Easter Morning song for you...that I wrote!

You didn't know I was a songwriter, did you?

I didn't tell you, mostly because I don't want you little people to feel bad about my talent.  Because, what I'm hearing from musicians worldwide, is that my talent is unlike anything they've ever seen or heard.

Don't worry--I won't keep bragging on my songwriting talent.  I think it will speak for itself. 

But, before I make my galaxy-wide debut, I want to tell you about the gift I'm about to impart to you.

Many, many mornings I find myself singing this song in my head as I arise from my bed.  So, not only am I giving you my galaxy-wide songwriting debut, I am giving you a gift that keeps on giving...I SO HOPE that this song STICKS in your head, and that for all the mornings in your long life ahead...you may remember this song...and may it bless your mornings, as it has blessed mine...

*ahem*  (clearing throat for my solo)

*me me me meeeee*  (warming up)

OH, BUT WAIT!!!!  Before I go on, I need to make sure you know the MELODY of my song!

(I didn't say I wrote the MUSIC.  Only the WORDS.  I'm not a freaking prodigy, ya know.  Alls I gots is the words.)

The music for my song is "Up from the Grave He Arose."  A lovely traditional Easter song.

One more thing:  My husband said this song is a little sacrilegious.  Especially during Easter week.  Please please know that I--in no way--am making light of Jesus' resurrection.  I love Jesus, and I plan to sing Him the real words on Easter morning with a big happy smile on my face.  Even if my Easter shoes do pinch a little bit.  Growing up Baptist, this song is a part of my faith heritage, and therefore I am allowed to make up silly words to similar traditional hymns. (According to Baptist By-Law #4398 extension 12.)

Okay, start humming...

Up from the bed she arose!  (she arose)

With a mighty stink upon her breath (on her breath)

She arose a' groggy from the cozy bed,

And she's pro'bly grumpy 'till she has caffeine...

She arose!  (she arose)

She arose!  (she arose)

Oopsie, she's laid down again...

So...what do you think?  Do you think I have a future in song writing? 

You have to admit--the tune is catchy!  (Too bad I didn't write the tune...)  But, the words ard catchy, too.  Just wait--when you get up tomorrow morning, I just betcha you'll be singing these words...

Or, if you're really lucky, your husband will be singing it to you... "With a mighty stink upon her breath..."

You're welcome.

What's your favorite growing-up-church song?

Parenting 101: Life According to Nathan

 I know I've written several times about my crazy brother-in-law Leader (what we call him.)  When he sent me these pictures from our recent family beach vacation, I nearly spit out my Coke from laughing so hard.  (Thankfully, no precious Coke was harmed or lost during this incident.)

Evidently, Leader wanted to snap a picture with his son Nathan in front of some sailboats.  When he checked the picture, and saw that Nathan did not comply the first time, he said in a more serious, fatherly voice, "Nathan.  Cut that out.  Please smile this time."

Annnnnd....

 

Annnnnd....I give you Exhibit #2:

 

Ya'll.  I wish you could get to know my nephew Nathan.  Nathan is seriously one of my favorite kids to be around!  He keeps me giggling the entire time I'm around him.  From the day he was born, he was a little man.  All matter-of-fact, and never wasting an opportunity to have fun, or to explain the world to those around him.  Nathan's matter-of-factness is evident in the fact that he NEVER says "I don't know" to ANY question you ask him.  That boy always has an answer on the tip of his tongue.  And, it's rarely the answer that you're expecting.  My family has started playing a little game when we're together with Nathan, where we try to stump him with a question.  Plus, we just love hearing the creative answers he gives!

So far, Nathan reigns supreme in the question answering game.

Here's just an example:

 

"Nathan, where does Superman live?"

 (without missing a beat) "Batman's house."

"Where is Batman's house?"

"South Dakota"

"Nathan, what do you want to be when you grow up?"

"A fightah fightah."

"What is a fightah fightah?"

"He twains and goes to fires and spways wata.  Den he goes home."

"How much does a fighter fighter make?"

"70 dollars by 2"

"Nathan, how do sailboats go fast in the water?"

"The sand"

"Where does the ocean water come from?"

"It comes from houses.  It connects to da hose and it goes.  It looks like a snake, but it's not."

There you have it.

I have to say...in a world plagued with uncertainty and relativism, it is refreshing to be around someone so sure of his answers, his world.

And if Nathan says the ocean comes from garden hoses, then I believe him.

And I feel much safer knowing...that it's a hose, not a snake.

What I Googled this Week

Recently, there were e-mails going around saying that big bad Google was about to start tracking my search history something or other, and I'd better go change the settings in my search history what's a doodle, so that Google couldn't sell my private information whatchamacallit to the who'sits.

Or something like that.

(If this didn't make sense to you--don't worry.  It didn't make a lot of sense to me, either.)

Anyway, I *think* I made the appropriate changes so that Google can't track me down and steal all my childhood secrets.  But, since I blog, I tell ya'll all my secrets anyway, don't I?

In light of these crystal-clear thoughts, I thought it would be fun to share my recent (and always RANDOM) Google searches.  I'm always intrigued by what people are looking up on the computer.  Plus, I am kind of partial to Google.  I feel like Google is the smartest person in the whole wide wide world.  If Google doesn't know the answer, then...well, there isn't an answer. 

Here are my recent Google searches, in no particular order...  Have you ever wondered about some of these same things?

 

What does Jimmy Crack Corn mean?

How much does a television writer make?

McAlister's

Whataburger near Mobile, AL

Whataburger near Hattiesburg, MS

Shell Island

Walton Arts Center

James Bible Study, Tommy Nelson, Denton, TX

Pik Monkey

Pic Monkey

How to use an iron on patch

Problems with an iron on patch

When an iron on patch won't stick

 The Palms song

Great beach reads

Stop thumb sucking appliance

Wilton icing recipe

Instagram for Android

Twitter badge for Typepad

How to get children to obey the first time

Coping with frustration

How not to nag

How not to yell

How not to pinch your children when they argue

How many calories does a Route 44 Sonic Coke have?

How to lose weight by drinking Coke and watching reality t.v.

Milkshake home delivery

What to do when Mama's really tired and dinner's not cooked yet

(Okay, so you know I'm only kidding about the last few...BUT, if you know the answers to ANY of them--PLEASE LET ME KNOW!!!!!)

You know I'm gonna ask...What have YOU Googled lately?

Am I passionate about my job?

This magazine came in the mail the other day.  As soon as I saw the headline, I stopped dead in my tracks:

Am I passionate about my work?

You mean--my work here at home?

My job as a (dare I say it???) housewife, mom, and homeschool teacher?

"Well, of course I'm passionate about my job!"  I say

I nodded my head, and walked around my house, I mean my workplace...

Why, JUST LOOK at all of my job perks!

(Also, don't forget how FANCY my workplace is...)

So, yes.

Yes, I am *passionate* about my job.

Although..."passionate" may not be the most accurate choice of words...

What do you think?

Are you *passionate* about your job?

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My Kick the Bucket List

Everybody's always talking about all the things on their bucket lists.  And these things are always super inspirational or, you know, super impressive.  Or something super. 

People never say normal things they want to do...Like, "Someday, I want to empty the clothes basket at the foot of my bed, and find my clean underwear." 

Or, "Before I die, I want my kids to quit fighting over silly little stuff that does not matter, and drives me crazy."  Oh wait.  I do say that already.  Like every single day.  Well...I mean...I would say that...if my darling daughters weren't absolutely perfect.  But, I'm sure somebody must say that about their kids.

What I'm trying to say here is:  Let's stop trying to be super and impressive.  Let's be real about life.  Let's start talking about all the stuff we DON'T want to do.  Let's talk about the UNsuper stuff.  Let's talk about how awful dog poop is, and how it really stinks to get a bladder infection.  And how when you mash your finger in the door, you kick the door really hard and then your toe hurts, too.

Yeah, that's more like it.  Please join me in making an UN-Bucket List:  All the things I hope I NEVER do.  Or, if you want to be fancy (I mean, super) like me--you can call it your "Kick the Bucket List."

(*clearing her throat*)

(*clearing her throat again.  Didn't quite get it the first time*)

(*taking a quick sip of water*)

MarytheKay's Kick the Bucket List:

1.  Sing a solo.  Or, really, if I'm honest and don't care that I am about to sound like a real dud...I don't even want to sing karaoke--even in a group of people with cool dance moves, and hand motions.

2.  Sky dive.  Nope, no thank you.  I'll leave that sport to you cool people.

3.  Go backpacking across Europe, and stay in hostels.  My idea of fun in Europe is staying in 5-star hotels.  Having to sleep on my backpack so that it doesn't get stolen does NOT sound fun to me at all.  I'd rather the doorman deliver my backpack to my suite, thank you very much.  (Must begin saving green stamps soon.)

4.  Be a contestant on Survivor...or any reality shows, for that matter.  I don't like heights, I don't like eating bugs, I don't like wearing my skivvies on national television, I don't like drama, and I don't like other peoples' body odors. 

5.  Lose all my teeth.  I kind of have a fear of falling forward on concrete, and my front teeth breaking--leaving lots of jaggedy edges.  Ooohhh, that just gives me the shivers.  Hurry--let's change the subject.

6.  Become a bodybuilder.  I'm sorry.  I just don't get the fascination with overgrown, gigantic muscles, that frankly, look a little strange to me.  Plus, all that baby oil just gives me the heebie jeebies.  I hope none of those poor people ever fall down on the stage--cause they'd just skid right across that floor and off the stage.

7.  Become a diabetic.  Oh, dear Lord, I pray I don't become diabetic.  I really, really, really love sugar.  That's a really bad sign...isn't it???   I'd almost rather become a vegetarian.  No, I wouldn't...Maybe I would...No, I wouldn't...Maybe I...Wait.  What?

8.  Explore Antarctica.  Nah, I think I'll pass.  I'd rather just watch a movie about it.  As long as it's less than 12 minutes.

9.  Re-take Trigonometry, and make an "A" this time.  I just broke out into a cold sweat, and I'm about to hyperventilate.  This would be a living nightmare.  A mathmare. 

10. Bungee jump off...anything.

Whew!  I am glad to have all of that off my chest.  I bet I just sound like a THRILLING person now, don't I???

Okay, okay.  I must write a real bucket list soon--so you people don't think I'm a total dud.  I really do like some semi-super and exciting things...as long as the exciting things don't include heights, math, vegetarianism, or jaggedy teeth.

What's on your NON-Bucket List?

Oh, and just so you know...this brilliant non-bucket list idea was the brilliant Mama Kat's, as part of her Weekly Writing Workshop.  Please go check out the other brilliant bloggers' non-bucket lists.  They ought to be fun!

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Official Announcement (sort of)

Please be advised:

A big comfy bed has allegedly kidnapped MarytheKay until further notice...or until tomorrow--whichever comes first.  A rather large ransom has been demanded:  A big bowl of Cold Stone chocolate ice cream with chocolate shavings.  No word from the authorities yet as to whether or not they plan to comply with said ransom.

If you have any information regarding this crime, please contact the authorities at Cold Stone.

Over and out, good buddies.

That's a big 10-4.

My Top 10 Life Stories

When your family gets together, what are the stories you always tell, over and over again, laughing every time?  Some of my favorite times with my family are exactly that--sitting around a dinner table after all the dishes are cleared away, and re-telling our old stories.  Even though we all know these stories by heart, there's just something reassuring about their telling. 

This week, when Mama Kat suggested writing about my Top 10 Life Stories, I jumped at it.  I thoroughly enjoyed walking down memory lane a bit--visualizing my family around the table, laughing till crying as we tell these familiar stories...

 

1.  Sometimes people you've never met and their stories are a part of your Life Stories...like Brother Mose, Sister Bobby, and the meat cleaver.

2.  The home where I grew up had a history and its own stories, and it all became woven into my own Life Stories.  Its name in our stories?  Simply "1800."

3.  You can't pretend you're tough when you have drop seizures every time your mom or dad is wearing a gorilla mask hiding in your closet.

4.  Booby-trapping my brother's room, setting his cuckoo clock for midnight, sliding hard books underneath his bed sheets...and finding out paybacks aren't fun.

5.  The Soup Kitchen was about learning to serve all kinds of people--scary looking people, the toothless old gentleman who always wore a 3-piece suit, women with shy little kids we'd play with and try to draw out, and big smiley Jimmy, who always had a jolly word, and who walked everywhere he went in town.

6.  Working in the yard as a family meant I was the self-designated "drink getter" and "telephone answerer."  And, as I always answer that story--Hey, those are important tasks, too!

7.  Learning about forgiveness by taking a convicted rapist to church on Sundays, bringing him home to swim in our pool, and being encouraged to "be nice to him." 

8.  Anything tiny is "Aunt Mae sized," and any person large is as my Gram Moore used to say, "As big as a cow.  A good-size cow."

9.  Being in the band meant sitting in the stands never knowing the football score, and maybe even thinking the crowds were most excited about the half-time entertainment.

10.  Even when you're tired of taking your little sister to every bathroom in every store you're in, it's not okay to tell her the display bathroom in the middle of the hardware store is okay for her to use...

What are some of your own favorite Life Stories?

(You should really try to write down your Top 10.  It's a wonderful exercise!)

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