So far, turning 40 has been a wonderful experience. This has been one of the happiest, honoring weeks I have had in a very long time. My heart has been brimming over with joy and peace. Feeling like this kind of surprises me. I think it has been a while since I have felt so light, and just plain old-fashioned happy.
When I feel joy like this, I always want to fold it up, and tuck it away for remembering later. You know—when I need to remember. Privately, sometimes I put myself into the words of Luke, “And Mary treasured all these things in her heart.”
The other night, several friends and their husbands gathered at a local restaurant to honor my birthday. Sitting in front of a fireplace at a long table, and looking at all of the familiar faces, I couldn’t help but feel the warmth of the evening. Laughing and telling stories, and just feeling comfortable with these friends who have traveled life with me for years now, I could hardly keep a silly grin off my face.
I thought to myself in that moment, “This. This is what a rich life feels like.”
Life doesn’t always feel rich like that. Like tonight, when my bare foot stepped on the Littlest Petshop animal in a disaster of a little girl’s bedroom…and when I just a Littlest bit YELLED for said little girl to get in here right now and clean up this mess before I start throwing it all away. No, I didn’t feel the richness in that moment. Or when our other darling daughter needed me at 11pm because she couldn’t sleep, and all I could think about was how I am so tired of mothering by the end of the day that I feel the life sucked out of me. And yet, lying beside her, and stroking her hair, I know. I know this is what I want to be doing. It just doesn’t always feel rich and full. It feels tired.
Ah, but around that table in the flickering of the firelight, I felt it. It was one of those moments I pray will remain a snapshot in my memory. Oh how I need those rare and beautiful snapshots. Because sometimes, in the midst of my yelling, or frustration with a house that never seems to be tidy, or when I feel that end of my rope tiredness, I really need to unfold that picture and look into the faces of my friends around the table. I need to remember their kind words to me, their laughter, their smiles. I need to remember that I am not alone traveling this road.
You know what else I want to remember?
After everyone had put on their coats, and parted ways in twos and threes, my husband and I were walking down the quiet sidewalk together. It was very cold out, so I slipped my arm through his in the way I always do, and looked up at him as we were walking. I could just feel the happiness on my face as I thanked him for such a wonderful night. Knowing him the way I do, I understood how he felt for giving me such an honoring night. And that made me happy to give him that bit of joy.
That’s my second snapshot memory from the night: Walking arm in arm with my husband in the cold night, my face radiating happiness, and gratitude.
Luke 2:19 “But Mary treasured up all these things and pondered them in her heart.”
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And for those of you execting some actual SNAPSHOTS (you know--from the title and all!), here are a couple of picture teasers for tomorrow's post. Here are two birthday gifts that just made me smile.
An Oregon Scientific Slim Weather Box...I know it seems silly to get excited over basically a thermometer. But, I do love a new GADGET! (I actually asked for this!) It thrills my heart that I will now be able to look at the daily temperature (and weather! and time! and date!) in the convenience of our master bath.
Oh, isn't this the most BEAUTIFUL bedding EVER??? This beautiful duvet cover from Pottery Barn will adorn our bed in the AFTER pictures of our Bedroom Makeover on a Shoestring. Wait until you see the BEFORE pictures...Here's a little hint: Blue denim, red and white gingham, long live the '90s, baby!!!
