Mommy-phemisms...OR: How to Keep Mean Mommy in Check

I have a bridge. No, I don’t mean the mouth kind. Geez, I only just turned 40, give me a coupla years!

I mean a bridge inside my brain that connects Nice Mommy and Mean Mommy.

With enough sleep, cold Coca Colas, an occasional chocolate, and smiling, obedient children, the Nice Mommy is very happy to oblige.

However. If any of the above items is hijacked, the bridge is one-way. And Mean Mommy is back in business.

Here are some examples of my bridge. I am sure educated, linguist kind of people would say, “Hey lady! Those are called ‘euphemisms’.”

Okay smarty people, so here are the euphemisms ahem, Mommy-phemisms:

Nice Mommy: “Take a deep breath…”

Mean Mommy: “Oh, suck it up!” *

Nice Mommy: “Mommy needs a break…”

Mean Mommy: “Leave. Me. Alone.” *

Nice Mommy: “Use your inside voice, darling.”

Mean Mommy: “SHUT UP” *

*Lest you judge me, and think that I actually ALLOW Mean Mommy to say any of those horrible, horrible things… Let me reassure you that, mostly, I do not. Sometimes, I leave the room, and only utter them through clenched teeth, usually in my closed bathroom--to myself--as I have this very scary, as in should we lock her up? conversation with myself about how I cannot do this anymore, Lord, please help me, help me, because these children are driving me crazy, and if I do not get a break soon I am going to have to, have to, I don’t know, get on the treadmill and run a mile, or run away….

See what I mean about scary conversation?

What are your Mommy-phemisms? And what do you do to keep Mean Mommy in check?

And, now, a word from our sponsors:

Just look what my SWEET SISTER (Nice Sister) brought me this weekend!