As Spring has blown in with a puff of yellow pollen, and the sun is shining down upon the blooming flowers and trees, women everywhere have shed their woolly socks, have shaved their woolly legs, and have begun the seasonal rite of wearing flip flops.
With the donning of flip flops everywhere, we feel the urgent need to post this WARNING, so that the possibility for injury may be decreased. There are terrible, terrible things that can happen to women in flip flops (WIFFs)...things so terrible, that they may not be spoken of on this family-friendly network.
In lieu of speaking of the terrible, terrible things, some pictorial re-enactments will be used.
Our Safety Preparedness Team has taken the ultimate precautions in producing some timely, and thought-provoking Flip Flop Reenactments. WIFFs, please do NOT try these things at home. In an effort to educate the cool-toe America, Flip Flop Professionals were used for these shots. Again, DO NOT try this at home!
(No animals were harmed during this re-enactment.)
BEWARE of the DANGERS awaiting the tender, unprotected toes of WIFFs...
Not all flip flops are created equal...Beware of EOFF, Equal Opportunity Flip Flops. There is no flip flop affirmative action 'round these parts.
BEWARE! Stomping a big spider with a Flip Flop must be done with studied precision...
I'd better stomp that spider HARD and FAST!
Careless vacuuming could cost you a toe....
Nothing that a little bag of frozen peas, and some needle and thread can't help. Good as new!
What other dangers are lurking around the corner for WIFFs???
Dropping a condiment bottle...
May cause an unkind word to escape...
(Shoot a monkey! I was saying, "Shoot a monkey!!!")
Speaking of...
It's not pleasant getting your bare flip flop toe stomped on by a 48 lb. monkey wearing Easter shoes
That's not a monkey, that's my DAUGHTER!
Oy! That's gonna leave a mark...
See! What'd I tell ya?
Honey?!! Can you bring back the bag of frozen peas?
Split pea soup for dinner?
Just FYI...Holding your foot under a closing garage door isn't smart
Oh, and another thing...
Hitting the door with your fist...doesn't open up the garage door.
Dangers for the Flip Flop don't just lurk INSIDE your house...
They also lurk in YOUR YARD...
(Lurk, lurk, lurk)
Yard land mines prove especially tricky for WIFFs
and ICKY...
Is THAT what I THINK it is???
Oh NOOOOOO!
In conclusion,
There are Household Hazards a'plenty for Women in Flip Flops (WIFFs).
Be on the lookout for the DANGER ZONES I have warned you about.
Be diligent
Be vigilant
Be flipflopulent
We hope this Public Service Announcement was helpful to you. Use extreme caution when baring your toes in the flip flop. Flip flops can be fun (and breezy) until someone gets hurt. Then it's not fun. It's un-fun.
Please talk to your kids about wearing flip flops. Talking to your kids about the dangers of the flip flop may not be as hard as you think. It may just save a life...or a toe...or a really cute Yellow Box Flip Flop. And at $28 a pair, that is important.
Thank you. And may God bless the Flip Flop Wearers of America.
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