Who am I? This question has been heavy on my heart lately. And not just because our preacher, whom I sometimes like to plagiarize, talked about it recently. The question isn't heavy on my heart about myself, either. I figure, at 40, I've pretty much figured out who I am...or, rather, who I really want to be. I'm sure not there yet--not even close. But, in my laid-back (lazy) way, I do try to head in that general direction most of the time.
No, the Who am I? question feels like a rock on my heart most days--for my daughters. I have a daughter who is walking that fine line between girlhood and young womanhood. And a 6-year-old daughter below her, watching every single move Big Sister makes. Every day that flies by me, leaves me feeling frantic--that I don't have a specific plan, a tidy answer, to help our girls navigate the torrents of the teenage years.
The questions plaguing this mama. How can we possibly help our girls become confident and content young women, when they are surrounded by false images, false friends, and, ironically, a world that tells them that "nothing is false, because there is no truth."
Only the most confident of women could possibly navigate a world like that, and come through stronger on the other side.
And, that is what scares me the most. No matter how hard my husband and I have tried, how much we have used kind words and positive language, how much we have reassured and been affectionate and involved--and most importantly, how much we have prayed... Our oldest sees the world through eyes that question herself.
This just kills my mama heart. Not because I want our daughter to realize she's gorgeous, or feel smarter than her friends, or even understand the depth of her gifts. I just worry that without some confidence in something, a questioning girl may be drawn to the wrong answers.
(And the wrong answers...may cause my husband to kill something...or someone. A prison sentence is never good for a parenting strategy, now is it?)
A better question? What if, in all of my worrying, I am asking the wrong question? What if asking Who am I? only leads our daughter to more insecure questions and feelings?
Actually, I already stumbled onto it just 4 sentences ago. The right question to be asking. The answer to all of this worrying I am doing. Did you see it?
I'll remind you: "I just worry that without some confidence in something, a questioning girl may be drawn to the wrong answers."
Ah! That's IT! And it's not so much a confidence in someTHING...but a someONE.
Shift around the focus of the question. If we can just help our daughters understand the Who is HE? answers, then we can be confident they have all the answers they will need to navigate anything. Now, the only question is--how can we wrap up our girls in the safety and security of knowing
- How much God loves them (1 John 4:9-10)
- How nothing they could do, could end God's love (Romans 8:38-39)
- How beautifully and perfectly God created them (Psalm 139:14)
- How God does not want them to fear, but has given them power, love, and discipline to face any challenge (2 Timothy 1:7)
Wow. I think we could stop at those 4 truths. If our girls could wrap their brains completely around those 4 truths, wouldn't they have an amazing filter for the whisperings of the false images and false friends bombarding them?
You're not important...you're nothing "God loves me!"
I don't want to be your friend anymore "God always loves me!"
Those jeans make you look fat "God made me beautiful and unique!"
You'll never be good enough to make varsity "God doesn't want me to fear! He says I can face anything with His power, love, and discipline!"
Resolved. So, I am going to start today with these 4 truths. No more worrying. It's all about doing, now. It's all about teaching--and living by--these 4 truths.
And I have a strange feeling...that where these truths are concerned, the living them out in front of our daughters, is the most powerful teacher of all.
Input? What about you? Do these same questions plague you? How will you help your teenagers navigate these years?
