photo credit: flickr
Wow, that title makes it seem like I have all the answers. I sure wish I did, and could write a tidy little post with the Top 3 ways to help a child handle disappointment.
If you're here looking for answers, I'm sad to say I don't have them. Rather, I am writing this as a means to start a discussion, and hopefully, learn some things by writing, and listening to what others have to say.
Just recently, our oldest, our tender-hearted daughter suffered a terrible disappointment. Now, in the big life-long picture, it was not a terrible disappointment. But, to a 10-year-old girl with a sensitive heart, it WAS heart-breaking and terrible.
And this disappointment is even more devestating because it is the same one she has experienced at least 4 times now. But, this year, this time, she was convinced it was her time.
And, frankly? As her parents, we were REALLY hoping and secretly PRAYING that it would be her time. Looking back now, I wonder if we should have intervened, should have expressed something to the person in charge, or even spoken a small comment...
But, in the end, we decided to trust. Trust the system, trust in fairness, and ultimately--trust that God is in charge.
Man, oh man, is it ever hard as a parent simply to trust. Dangit, sometimes I just want to take the reins and make good things happen for our daughters. Especially for our sweet Rebecca, who was hoping with a twinkle in her eye, and excitement in her voice that it would be her turn.
We even prayed as a family--quickly in the car--before she walked in to find out the results. Our prayer was a simple one, and one that later we would understand the real need to be prayed: We told God we trusted Him, and no matter what the end result, that Rebecca would be able to trust that God has a special plan for her...
We then quickly hugged our grinning daughter as she skipped away ahead of us.
Seeing her face after, we instantly knew. She held her composure until we could be alone, and then she just cried. She cried and said the exact same things we were thinking, as her parents.
I just held my sweet girl, whose beautiful blond head is now just below my chin. I pulled her close to me and whispered the only words that came to me in that moment: "I'm sorry. I am just so sorry. You are the most talented girl I know, and I really don't understand, either."
Mostly, I just listened. And held. And wiped the tears.
A little later, I lay down next to her in bed. I stroked her back as she lay on her side facing me, and I tucked little stray hairs behind her ear. In that quiet moment, she told me,
"Mom, sometimes I feel so small in the world. Like I don't matter at all."
In that moment, God totally gave me the words to say. I don't think I could have thought of these words on my own--especially after hearing my lovely daughter speak such heart-breaking words.
"Rebecca, did you know that EVERYONE feels that way? Everyone feels small at least sometimes. But, guess where you're NOT SMALL? Guess where you're the best at everything, the most loved, the most talented, and most adored? Your FAMILY."
And, of course, I got the "Mo-ommm" look from her in that moment.
After just a moment, I kept talking. Here are the words that God especially gave me to tell her. I asked her, "Rebecca, what do you think Jesus would tell you right now, if he were sitting here with us? Because, you know he totally sees you right now, and knows exactly how you're feeling right this minute. I wonder what he would tell you? Think about how much WE love you...you know Jesus loves you even MORE. You know you're God's little girl..."
Thankfully, Rebecca was able to answer honestly, so that our conversation didn't end there, all neat and tidy.
"Well, it doesn't feel like he loves me right now."
"I know, sweet girl, I know. Times like this--really hard times where you don't feel God's love, you just have to trust in it. Because of what he says in the Bible, and also because of how you've felt his love in the past."
We talked a little bit more. And then we got out our new Mother Daughter Devo Book to read that day's message. Because really--what else could I say to her hurting heart?
When we started reading, I didn't even realize how amazing and perfect that day's message was. It was talking about how John was the disciple "Whom Jesus loved." How at the Lord's Supper, John was reclining against Jesus, and what that must have felt like for John. How it must have felt to be loved by Jesus, God's son and Savior of the world. After we read and talked about what John must have felt, we jumped over to the side column, the "Girl Gab" section that has mother-daughter activities related to the message. That day's blew me away. It said,
"Pray for each other that you would both have a greater sense of Jesus' love for you."
Wow. I could not have planned that activity if I had tried.
I sure don't know how to help my girl walk through disappointment. But, God does.
God loves his little girl even more than I do. He made sure to take care of her hurting heart that night. He made sure her mama knew the words to say, and especially the words to pray.
I don't know why God has Rebecca walking through disappointment once again. I don't know if he is trying to teach her something, or someone else who did well--or even us, as her parents. But, I DO know that I trust him. I trust that there is a plan, and that if we walk through it, we will grow, and become stronger, and be blessed in ways we might not even see.
And that night, it was easy to trust a God who showed a hurting daughter and a hurting mama--that he just wanted his little girl to know how much he loves her.
