Seriously, I am not fit for proper company.
Here's why: I just googled "What to do when you accidently spit on someone else's food."
Guess what the answer is?
Well, there's not one. Probably because no one in history has ever spit on someone's food by accident. On purpose--sure, all the time! Oh yeah, waiters spit on rude people's food all the time. And you picky people--you KNOW the waiter spits on the steak you're sending back because it's not quite right.
Here's what happened when I did the accidental spitting: The other night at our summer camp was pizza night. Pizza night means that each table is served a large pizza in the middle of the table. I was chatting with the guests next to me (who I didn't know well), when all-of-a-sudden a stream of spit just jumped right out of my mouth! I think in high school, we called this form of spit a "gleek." As in, "Dude, you just gleeked me!"
Anyway, I saw the gleeked spit arc through the air and land splat on the fat crust of the sausage pizza. The sausage pizza that was for our whole table. I think I even froze in my conversation for a moment as the spit landed. Which, of course, just drew more attention to my spit. Lovely.
So, what did I do? Well, I just calmly reached down and put that piece of pizza onto my plate, as if it was the exact piece I wanted in the first place!
Crisis solved.
Forget Emily Post. I'm starting my OWN etiquette website for losers like me...and my first category shall be called:
Accidental spitting
(Of course, I'd include my Household Hazards articles on The Dangers of Flip Flops as well as The Hazards of Wearing the Scarf.)
What categories would YOU need for me to include in MarytheKay's Book of Etiquette for Losers like Herself?
