MarytheKaytheBlog

What I've been up to...

Oh, dearest readers, I have so much to tell you!

And, because you KNOW I cannot seem to make any story short...*grin*  I will go ahead and tell you my EXCITING NEWS ALL AT ONCE!!!!  (Yes, I'm yelling!  Or rather, squealing!!!!)

(Okay, now I can't decide which one to tell you first!!!  Ha!!)

Like a big goober, I'll go in alphabetical order:

1.  I AM A THIRD GRADE TEACHER!!!!  An incredible new school in our community is starting a private classical elementary, and has chosen to entrust me with 18 precious third graders this fall!!  I could not be more excited to be hired to do something I am passionate about.  To have the privilege of inspiring and cheering my students to become world changers is a dream come true for me!

2.  TODAY, I SUBMITTED A BOOK PROPOSAL for a book I am ghostwriting for my dear friend Riley Banks!!!!!  Okay, I am actually refraining from posting the actual number of exclamation marks I am feeling right now.  This is a very dignified blog, you know.  I cannot wait to be able to share more of Riley's story with you!  I am humbled to be given the task of writing her amazing story.  And I promise to keep you posted along this wild book proposal ride!

Whew!

Obviously, we have a LOT to catch up on!  

I think the easiest way to begin telling you all about the past year would be to let you read about how my heart was being tugged last spring, and for the whole year before.  (Click here to read it.)  Re-reading the words I wrote over a year ago reminds me how--even on my craziest or darkest of days--God is always there, leading me through.

Last spring, I wondered whether I should keep writing this blog.  I had hoped and dreamed of writing as a part-time job, but hadn't been able to accomplish that.  My heart felt restless to create, yet I didn't understand how to make that happen.

During that time, Dave and I spent countless weekly lunch dates at our favorite BBQ restaurant (Danna's, of course!) dreaming about our future.  His job was stressful, and he felt like God was stirring his heart as well.  We talked and dreamed about how our family could best spend our days making a difference.  Looking back, it's easy to see how God was working in each of our hearts.  But at the time, we felt like we were doing a whole lot of talking, dreaming, and praying...and not much hearing.

How fitting that we finally heard something last fall while sitting at our favorite BBQ restaurant.  Or rather, that's where we received the text that changed our lives.

...to be continued.

Okay, enough for today.  I've jammed the exclamation point key on my keyboard, so I'd better call the technician.  (Or...maybe I just need a nap...since I only got a short nap last night...)

Hugs all around!!!  ARM PUNCHES!!!!!!!!

Do you ever feel like a failure?

Do you ever feel like a failure?

Because I sure do.

I did earlier today, and I do again tonight.

Wow.  How's that for Telling Your Truth Tuesday?

Well, why the heck not tell the truth?  The perfection I see on Facebook and Instagram and Twitter gets exhausting.  I prefer real any old day.

So, my real for today is this:  I value relationship over task.  In Bible circles, this could be defined by saying that I'm much more "Mary" than "Martha."  

That all sounds really great in theory...but in practice?  I feel like a failure.

I know there are little plaques and refrigerator magnets that say something along the lines of...Kids will remember what you DO with them much more than HOW CLEAN your house was.

But, guess what?  Your neighbor remembers the messy house.

The messy house which must mean the mama is lazy or undisciplined or scatterbrained.

Or, the worst assumption of all...a messy housekeeper.  *sigh*

I try.  I try to tell my brain that my kids will grow up feeling loved.  They will remember having fun.  They'll remember getting to roller skate through the house, having picnics in the living room, and getting to make messy magical potions out of the spice cabinet.

But...sadly, they'll probably also remember Mama's INTENSE stress level to clean the house when company's coming over.  

Because, even though I value relationship over task, I still have a brain.  And I still feel like a failure when someone sees my messy house.

So, I have to YELL and STRESS and FREAK OUT a little (okay, a lot!) in order to get this messy house magically all tidy before guests come over.

And that is my truth for today.

In other news...Since I have no company planning to come over tomorrow...tonight, I am going to bed with a MESSY house.  Yes, I sure am.

Feeling like a failure really zaps the energy right out of ya.  And nothing helps failure-feeling like a fresh, and rested perspective.

And, who knows?  Maybe the cleaning fairies will visit overnight...

What are you feeling like a failure about today?

(Or, am I the only one?)

To keep writing, or not to keep writing...

For about a year, I have been struggling with what to do about this blog.

I started this blog for one reason, and as all blogs seem to do, mine has evolved over time.  Okay, so I'm going to be really transparent here.  I started this blog as an opportunity to make writing a part-time job--either with advertising opportunities on the blog, or from other writing opportunities.  

There, I said it.  Surely, a lot of you knew this already.  Why would anyone spend hours (yes, hours--plural) every day creating something...for free?

I have been struggling lately, wondering WHY I continue to write here, when my original goal has not been realized?  I mean, I don't have time for this kind of HOBBY.  Sure, this writing hobby is good for the soul.  Sure, it fulfills a creative need inside me.  I've recorded some wonderful family memories here these past 3 years.  And there have been a couple of writing opportunities.  Just not enough.

But, really, the bottom line is this:  I need a part-time job.  And this blogging gig isn't cutting it.  

And yet, for some reason, I haven't felt good about giving it up completely.

Then, I read words like these.  Words that begin with the most awesome title of all time:  The Parable of the Flying Naked Baby.

WHO could RESIST reading a story with a title like that?

(Go.  Go read the story NOW.)

Ah.  That is why I write.

Stories.

The stories.

I have been drawn to stories since I was a little girl at my Gram's Sunday table, listening to the adults' stories of "the old times," while nibbling on olives and pickles and sipping tea out of a sweaty green glass.

I have been staying up way too late reading stories in books since I was a little girl finishing Nancy Drew mysteries long after everyone else in the house was sound asleep.

For as long as I can remember, I've been a good listener--because I just love hearing people's "stories."

I don't watch t.v. shows, unless they have good stories. (Reality shows have stories, yes they do...I don't know about the "good" part, though!)  And I sure don't like reading non-fiction self-help books because, hello?, where's the story???

All of these rambling words to say this: I may not blog as often, or as much here.  But, I will continue writing...at least for now.  Because I want to have a place to tell my stories.

And maybe (hopefully) I will have the opportunity to tell the stories God is writing in my life.

And those are the most important stories of all!

Why I Like Going Under the Knife

I don't like to make a big deal out of things around here, so I didn't say anything before-hand, but last week I went under the knife.  

I just love how dramatic that sounds!

UNDER. THE. KNIFE.  dun-dun-dunnnnnn.

I hate even mentioning what kind of surgery I had...because it just sounds, I don't know, old lady-ish, or weird.  But, if I DON'T mention it--you're all going to think it was--*said in a whisper*--"a feminine procedure."

Okay, so here it is.  I had 2 abdominal hernia repairs.  "Abdominal hernia" sounds so much better than just plain old "hernia," wouldn't you agree?  Regular hernias make me think of man surgery.  *Shiver.*

 I have had these abdominal hernias since the last time I was big and pregnant--with that little cutie pie in the picture above.  She is now 8.  And remember--I have BIG babies.

 And big babies = making a war zone of your abdomen.

Now, I realize that I might be weird.  But, I just love the whole process of surgery!  Don't get me wrong--I don't like the pain of surgery.  It's just everything else I like.

I love checking into the hospital on the day of surgery, and feeling like everybody is there for ME.  I know that sounds really narcissistic, but for a girl who normally tries to stay in the background of things, being the center of caring attention for a day is kind of nice.

(See, I told you I am weird.)

I check in, and the nice retired man volunteer greets me, and tells me my nurse will be right out to get me.  Then, a cheerful nurse greets me and escorts me back to my very own space--a comfy electric bed in my own little curtained-off area.

The nurse gives me a nightgown to wear, and then comes in to check on me once I'm lying down in my electric bed.  She offers me a drink and something to help me "relax a little"--via an I.V. needle.  ("Just a prick," she said. OW!  Not relaxing, by the way.)  Then she brings me a warmed-up blanket and tucks me up nice and tight into my bed.  

A warmed up blanket, people.  As in--somebody cooked it in the oven--JUST FOR ME!

Then, all these nice people come in to visit with me!  A anesthesiologist comes in to chat with about my drug allergies and my doctor comes in and draws little pictures on my abdomen (okay, lines.)  And everybody that comes in asks me if I have questions.  That's just so nice to ask my opinion of everything!

I even get to take a little tour of the hospital hallways and elevator as the nurse takes me on a ride--IN MY BED!  At one point, in the MAIN foyer of the hospital, I look around to see if I know anyone.  I have a small moment of panic as I try to huddle beneath my covers.  I'm not sure they'd recognize me, though, in my blue paper shower cap and hospital nightgown.

 When we wheel into the surgical suite, I feel like I am on stage.  There are huge bright lights above me, and a whole audience dressed in powder blue scrubs.  Every single person in the room greets me, and is introduced.  

I feel like a surgical rock star!

And seriously--everyone is just so nice and friendly.

One of the last thoughts I have before gently falling asleep is how MANY people are here in the surgical suite--JUST FOR ME!  They're all here and being friendly and helpful--for me!

And then I think..."Ooohhhh.  That is why I am being charged $12,000 for today."

You people can just call me a celebrity now.

Because last Tuesday, I paid $12,000 for super-star treatment!  

And, let me tell you--it was worth every single penny.

(Okay, maybe that's an exaggeration.  But, the people WERE really nice.)

What God has been Stirring in my Heart Lately...

I've felt for quite a while that God has been doing something new in my heart.  I don't even know what.  I just know that my heart has been thawing, and even sometimes yearning for change.

And change scares me to death.  So, for my heart to want change is big.  Like, God-size big.  

I have no idea what God is doing--or what He's planning for me or my family.  I just know that for now, I am supposed to keep putting one foot in front of the other, daily walking out my faith.  Putting one foot in front of the other for me right now means raising 2 sweet girls, and providing a loving and encouraging home for my husband and daughters.

Maybe God doesn't have any big changes on our horizon.  Maybe He is just working on a heart that has been a little too distant from Him.  Maybe He is working on a heart that acts like a spoiled child sometimes, comparing herself to others and whining, "Why not ME?  Why can't I do that/have that/live like that/???"

Ugh.  I cringe even having to type that out.  I can't imagine what God must think of my whining sometimes.  Yuck, yuck, yuck.  I hate whining.

But, back to the good stuff.  God is working on me.  And I'm glad.  (I'm not always glad.  Just being honest here.)

I really do long to live a life that is poured out love to others--my family, my friends, and those I come in contact with.

But, the honest truth is this:  I am selfish with my time.  I am introverted by nature, and I love living in my cozy little home, behind my curtains, and behind my phones with Caller I.D.  Living a life that is decided by ME how and when I reach out to others.

However, I have a strange feeling God may be calling me from behind my pretty red curtains, beyond my comfort zone, and beyond my control.

(Dangit, don't you hate giving up control?  Well, I sure do.)

So, what am I telling you here?  Probably a whole lot of nothing!  Just that God is working on my heart right now.  Just like a little pin my parents used to have...with the initials:

PBP,GIFWMY  (or something like that)

Please Be Patient, God Isn't Finished With Me Yet

Is God working on any of your hearts right now?

In case He is, I found these 2 recent blog posts to be JUST the kind of thing my heart is yearning for...JUST the kind of love poured out my heart is longing to do...  

I thought maybe these words would find a soft spot in your heart today, too.

Please read The One Thing That Will Change Your Life and please please please read all the way down to their commitment.  Wow, knock socks off. 

And then please read Stepping Back, Slowing Down, and Focusing Up.  Again, please please please read down to the part where she writes a letter back to "Friend."  That just knocked my socks off, too.  THAT is what life is all about.  Forget publishing a book, forget reaching #5 on Amazon, forget a fancy schmancy book tour--reaching out to others is what matters.

So, that's the state of my heart lately.

How's your heart?  What's God doing in your heart lately?

You, my brothers and sisters, were called to be free. But do not use your freedom to indulge the flesh; rather, serve one another humbly in love.  -Galatians 5:13

I am a terrible, terrible person...

I'm sure I've fussed on here before about my daughter that is a picky eater, a picky dresser, picky about the pillowcase and blankets she uses, picky about her toothpaste and toothbrush...  Basically, she's a girl who knows what she likes, and sticks to it.  (I mean STICKS to it.)

What I'm NOT sure if I've mentioned on here before...is about where my daughter gets her picky nature.

Or, perhaps I should call it, "Her discerning taste."  That sounds better, doesn't it?

Especially, in light of what I am about to show you.

I've been slow to realize where my daughter gets her "discerning nature."  I think the first time I really noticed was when she started stealing the pillow off my bed.  She said my pillow was much softer than hers.  I'd have to go check her bed when I was ready to lie down, and try to ease her little head off my pillow, without waking her up.

I mean, a mama needs to have her own pillow, right?  She had her own pillow, and even though it was different than mine, I felt like it was plenty soft.  Plus, I was kind of attached to my pillow.  It was just the perfect size, and, well, it was really soft. 

Well...discerning child felt my sky blue pillowcase was much softer than her pink daisy one.  And...I didn't want to trade pillows.  I could tell you that it was because the blue pillow matched our bedroom, and the pink daisy one did not.  But, to be honest, I just didn't want to trade...because the blue one was...softer!!!

(Are you noticing a theme here?)

Finally, after too many nights of this musical pillow game, my brilliant husband suggested we take discerning daughter to the store, and let her pick out the very softest pillowcases she could find.  And buy 4 of them!  She could have 1, and so could her mama!  Plus, a couple extra.

Perfect.  Problem solved.  

Two picky (discerning) people are satisfied, and everybody has a soft pillow.

Right?

Well...this morning after getting out of bed, I noticed something.  It made me giggle, and feel TERRIBLE all at the same time.

And I did what all good bloggers did:  I took a picture!

But first!  Let me preface this picture to say...I have been sick with the flu this week.  I've felt terrible, and have slept terribly!!

At least I HOPE this is not what our bed would look like on a normal day...

Can you guess which side is the "discerning mama" side?

THREE pillows to help elevate her congested head, and ONE pillow to prop under her FEET.  Do the math, people--that equals FOUR soft pillows...

And 2 folded-up towels for her poor, poor husband.

I am a terrible, pillow-hogging person!!

(Yeah, and I steal the covers, too.)

What about you?  Do you steal covers and soft pillows?

What I did all weekend long

This picture pretty much sums up what I did all weekend long.

Well, this and also hacking up my right lung.  And going to the kitchen every 4-5 hours to refill on Robitussin DM, Sudafed, and Motrin.  And freshen up my icy cold water with the bendy straw.  (Gotta have the bendy straw when you're on death's doorstep.)

I also like to call this photo:  Parenting from the sick chair.  Note Sara Beth's doll, pillow, and blankets.  That's what she did today in lieu of schoolwork.  That, and a little educational documentary viewing on Netflix.  Or maybe, not always that educational... (DC Cupcakes counts as educational, though, right?)

Before I curled up in my deathbed chair, I did go to a fun birthday party Friday night.  The highlight of the party was when I ground a chocolate cupcake into my friend's carpet.  Nice, huh?  You really can't take me anywhere.  Now, I don't know why my friend had a chocolate cupcake sitting facedown on the carpet in the first place, but leave it to me to step on it, and then proceed to leave chocolate footprints across the house all the way to the kitchen sink.  Kind of like Hansel and Gretel--leave a trail of chocolate frosting so you can find the guilty dingbat.

Oh, but wait.  Back to my infirmed state of coughing and dying and asking my children to bring me stuff to my sick chair.  I used my chair time wisely, and watched an entire miniseries in 2 days.  If you like Downton Abby, then listen up!!  I have had The Forsyte Saga in my Netflix Instant Que for ages, but never felt in the mood to watch it.  Oh boy, oh boy, was it just what the doctor ordered for a sick weekend!

Hey--and you math people, please do not add up the number of hours that are in this miniseries.  I just know I watched a LOT of episodes, and even started talking to my children in a British accent.  I also cried several times throughout.  Just in case you use my recommendation to watch it, please understand that it is PG, and I wouldn't let my 12-year-old watch some of the scenes, if ya know what I mean.  But, Mom and Dad, I totally fast-forwarded those parts.

Okay, are y'all tired of me rambling now?  I sure hope so, because it's time to get back to my sick chair.  

What are all you healthy people up to this week?  Oh, and here's my public service announcement:  If you haven't gotten your flu shot, I would suggest GETTING ONE.  This flu stuff really STINKS.

Tying up 2012 in a Pretty Bow

Last night as I was working away on the last of my Christmas cards (I KNOW!!), I saw a piece of paper with my husbands handwriting--with a list of 7 questions and answers.  

I couldn't resist reading every word he'd written.  It was fascinating.

And, then I couldn't resist coming over here to tell you guys all about it!

The (fabulous and cool!) list of questions my husband had answered was from Michael Hyatt's blog.  If you don't already read his blog, you should.  It's amazing, and chock-full of helpful and inspiring advice about life and leadership and pursuing your dreams.

These 7 questions of Michael Hyatt's are a wonderful way to spend some time thinking about last year.  There's no better way to set goals for the new year, than using last year as a gauge.

Here are the 7 questions to help you tie up 2012 in a pretty bow, before stepping into 2013.  2013 is fresh, with no mistakes (name that movie).  I pray that 2012 inspires you to step into 2013 with your eyes fixed only on those things which are important.

 1.  If last year were a movie of your life, what would your genre be? Drama, romance, adventure, comedy, tragedy, or a combination? 

Mine would be adventure, with some intrigue mixed in as I searched high and low, and high and low again to find better ways to help my child with dyslexia-type issues. 

2.   What were the two or three major themes that kept recurring?  These can be single words or phrases. 

Facing the reality of the (rising prices and non-rising salaries) economy in our personal finances and jobs.

Trying to make good long-term life and financial decisions, rather than the feel-good short-term ones we'd RATHER make.

Being more deliberate about bonding and making memories for our little family of four.

 3.  What did you accomplish this past year that you are the most proud of? These can be in any area of your life—spiritual, relational, vocational physical, etc.  Be as specific as possible.

Receiving my first-ever paycheck as a writer!

Helping both daughters achieve some educational success this year!  (And it has NOT been easy.)

Starting a new hobby for our family--hiking and adventuring!

Playing more board games together, and enjoying nights together, at home.

More consistent at having a daily devotional time.

 4.  What do you feel you should have been acknowledged for but weren’t?  Okay, this is a little too personal for me to respond to directly. 

 5.  What disappointments or regrets did you experience this past year?  As leaders, we (Michael Hyatt) naturally have high expectations of ourselves and others. Where did you let yourself down? Where did you let others down? 

I gave myself a break, and didn't teach my Christmas Around the World classes.  As good as that was for me personally, part of me was sad to not to have taught them.

I haven't run in a month and a half.  I have missed those endorphins.

I was reminded that even people I love dearly can disappoint me.

6.  What was missing from last year as you look back?  Again, look at each major area of your life. Don’t focus now on having to do anything about it. For now, just list each item. 

I didn't read as many books.  I blame you, Netflix!!!  

A family vacation (Working on improving that one this week!!)

A maid.

And a clean house.

 7.  What were the major life-lessons you learned this past year?  Boil this down to a few short, pithy statements.

 Even the smallest daily commitment for devotions/quiet time reaps spiritual benefits I need and crave.

I need to remember (again and again) that love is an action.  And I need to show it daily, and even when I don't feel like it, to the people in my life.

Create a home environment that is fun and uplifting...to come home to.

I sure would LOVE to hear some of your answers...!

Oh, and HAPPY NEW YEAR!!!  I sure do love ya'll.  I really, really do!

One Day: In Pictures

 Today's post is a little slice of our family's life--all in pictures!  From start to finish, I'm showing you a typical day for our family.  We didn't do anything extra exciting this day, but we did have some sweet moments sprinkled in.  (And nobody had a meltdown.  Even the mama!  Whew!)

When Laura at Hollywood Housewife came up with the idea for One Day, I hesitated at first...mostly because I can be (*cough cough* understatement) a little perfectionistic about some things.  The thought of taking quality pictures all day, and then editing all of the pictures, and then uploading them to my blog just sounded too overwhelming.  

However, since I am TERRIBLE at scrapbooking and picture-taking in general, I felt this was a great opportunity to record a little slice of our family's life.  I snapped pictures all day long on my phone, and decided not to worry one bit about quality.  I just kept thinking how wonderful it would be for our girls to be able to look back and remember a typical--and happy--day in our family.

Snap, snap, snap.  It was such a great day of capturing memories!

So, drum roll....I present to you....our day, Wednesday, November 14, 2012.  

(And, now, if I can just upload all of these pictures onto a digital scrapbook site and hit "Send" I will be very, very happy!)

6:50am: I really don't like these numbers. 

 

6:55am:  The first one to greet me every morning.  #hungry

6:59am:  I love these beautiful feet.

7:04am:  Morning love for my school girl.

7:08 am:  Lunch love.

7:15am:  Quiet mornings with my school girl.

7:32am:  Calling out to me

7:40am:  ...meanwhile, look who is awake.  I really wish I could quietly slip back into bed, unnoticed.

7:42am:  I so love kissing these sweet cheeks!

7:49am:  Oops!  Look who crawled back into bed.

7:51am:  Technology buying me a few extra minutes in bed.  #Wheres My Water

8:45am:  Breakfast of champions  #pumpkin bread  #Coke

9:00am:  School work      

 #MathUSee  #AllAboutSpelling  #HandwritingWithoutTears  #AllAboutReading  #StoryoftheWorld  #LunchMoneyLibraryBook

9:05am:  Math in jammies.  Is there really any other way?

11:15am:  It's been requested that I communicate via mailbox.  #old school

12:10pm:  Cheers!   #Lunch with friends

1:00pm:  One of my cute lunch dates  #Carissa  #Jenn  #Connie

2:00pm:  The letter board--SB's most DREADED part of reading and spelling.  Hate is not too strong a word.  And I really don't understand why...?

3:30pm:  A little after-school dollar drink!

3:31pm:  Make that TWO after-school dollar drinks!  Sweet tea and rootbeer.

3:40pm:  Quick drop-off and short visit at my parents'.  Such a welcoming front entry!

3:45pm:  Pops re-gluing my 2 broken pheasants.   #steady surgeon hands

5-5:40pm:  Dollar General Store for Operation Christmas Child shoe box goodies.  1 boy and 1 girl.  One of our FAVORITE Christmas traditions!  #left the girls at home for this!!  #saves money that way  #also saves sanity!  #Mine

6:15pm:  Dinner on the fly for the girls before Awanas and Youth Group.  #Mama needs to go to the grocery  #PBJ=Yum

7:00pm:  Youth Group worship.  #Did that really say repeat 7 TIMES???  #Choruses are redundant  #In my opinion  #Pretending to sing  #Sometimes

7:04pm:  Trying not to embarrass my cute junior higher at youth group.  #Geeky mom taking pictures

7:10pm:  The one and only #WardWiebe sharing with the youth about #JordanRomero and following your dreams.  What's your "Everest?"

8:15pm:  Daddy's back!!!!!  #Sweet moment  #Back from hunting

8:20pm:  Sweet friends  #Thankful

9:05pm:  Home.  Now time to wash the pre-soaked dishes and make a lunch.  #Big believer in the soaking method  #Long day, but good day!

9:45pm:  Impromptu piano, trying to figure out Moonlight Sonata together.  This makes me very, very happy.

10:03pm:  Giving Daddy some welcome home gifts.  Our sweet little gift-giver.  She said the little dog looked like her Daddy's Annie, who just passed away.  #Sweet girl  #Thoughtful

10:43pm:  Very late bedtime snuggles.  #Missed their daddy!

10:46pm:  Get OFF your iPod and go to sleep!!  The nightly mom patrol...Sweet dreams!   #Bedtime giggles are the BEST!

10:53pm and I get to crawl into bed!  Good night, #onedayHH--it's been a FUN day of pictures!     #I love the colors in my bedroom  #They make me happy

Now, go check out the other wonderful entries linked up on Hollywood Housewife's One Day Project.  All of the different pictures are fascinating!

A beautiful picture of mercy

Chasing the American Dream is as synonymous as being American, as living in the United States.  But, lately, I'm not so sure the American Dream is as glittering, or alluring to me.  I find myself living in a country that is not what I want it to be.

In fact, that seems to be a theme in my entire life right now--things are not what I want them to be.   People and places are not as rosy as I have them painted in my mind.

I'm finding myself frequently disappointed by reality.

Lately, as I was describing this disappointment with my husband, he told me something very wise:

"Maybe that's how things are supposed to be.  Maybe that's what keeps us from loving this world too much, and longing for Heaven."

Ah.  That totally resonated with me.  Suddenly, my growing disappointments clarified. Suddenly, they seemed less personal, and more purposeful.

For much of this last year, God has been stirring things up in my heart.  I don't know where the swirled feelings and dissatisfaction with the American Dream will lead me...

But, I'm open.  I'm open to where God is leading me.

And to be completely honest with you, being open to God's leading scares me to death.  

Strangely, though, I also feel peace with the fear.

I don't feel God calling me to Kenya, and I don't even know if He's leading me out of my comfortable life.  I just know that videos like this one below...stories like theirs...have touched places in my heart that didn't care as much before.

Watching stories like these make me realize how silly the American Dream is.

People matter.  Not things.  Not comfort.  Not stability.  Not political parties. 

People.  God's people matter.

And what is my role in helping God's people?

I don't know.  But, I'm open.